Scientists discover caffeine is key to good health
Inebriated Press
July 31, 2007
WebMD reported today that a new study shows that a combination of caffeine and exercise kills precancerous cells damaged by the sun’s ultraviolet-B (UVB) radiation. Doctors say that the sun-protective effect of the caffeine-exercise combo means that slamming a Red Bull or espresso and then [...]
Innovative design includes welding battery to case
Inebriated Press
July 31, 2007
Jose Tujo is seeking a class action lawsuit against Apple for iPhone innovation deficiency pain. He alleges that by welding the iPhone battery into the case so a user can’t change it Apple dropped the ball on innovation and owes him money. Industry analysts’ say that [...]
US porn industry embraces one, Japan the other
Inebriated Press
July 30, 2007
PC World magazine reports that the Japanese porn industry has turned exclusively to the Blu-ray Disc while HD DVD is the leading high-def format in the U.S. porn business. Sony says that they’re stepping up their involvement and won’t actually produce Blu-ray porn but will [...]
Importers risk frozen smiles
Inebriated Press
July 30, 2007
China has banned diethylene glycol (DEG) — a chemical agent found in antifreeze — from use in toothpaste. In recent weeks Chinese toothpaste made with the toxic substance (which can cause kidney failure, paralysis and death) has been pulled from stores in North and South America, Europe and Asia. [...]
Solves food poisoning by blaming others, hiding problems
Inebriated Press
July 27, 2007
The Washington Post reported today that the Chinese may still be Red Communists after all. Plagued by food safety problems and reeling beneath press reports that exposed lax rules resulting in tainted exports (which killed U.S. pets and sickened people in Canada, the U.S. and [...]
Only makes a few million; not that big a deal
Inebriated Press
July 27, 2007
PepsiCo revealed today that it’s Aquafina bottled water is made with tap water. Corporate Accountability International said that Pepsi will now put “Public Water Source” on all Aquafina labels. Pepsi said it wouldn’t affect sales because they’d make the print really small.
“What water [...]
Panel review discovers NASA astronauts fly while intoxicated
Inebriated Press
July 26, 2007
Aviation Week & Space Technology says it has obtained a draft report by a special panel indicating that NASA allowed astronauts to fly while intoxicated. In a hastily arranged media conference at Bob’s Bar and Grill, NASA spokesman Webster B.”We-be” Soused said the report writers [...]
When the cat hangs around, you die
Inebriated Press
July 26, 2007
Dr. David Dosa says a cat named Oscar is predicting the death of people living in the Steere House Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. Writing in Thursday’s issue of the New England Journal of Medicine Dosa says that the two year old cat makes the rounds at [...]
NBA has illegal gambling, MLB illegal steroids & NFL has illegal dog fights. Without controversy the NHL is lost.
Inebriated Press
July 25, 2007
The National Hockey League announced today that it has hired former U.S. President Bill Clinton to advise and create controversy wherever and whenever possible. It’s part of a new and more aggressive strategy to [...]
Part of tradition of payments not to plant
Inebriated Press
July 25, 2007
The United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) sent $1.1 billion in farm payments to over 170,000 dead people over a seven-year period, according to congressional investigators. The USDA directs money to farmers who don’t plant crops so prices will be higher for the crops the [...]
Alleges she’s a closet conservative
Inebriated Press
July 24, 2007
Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan is so angry at House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s conservative stance that on Monday she threatened to start a political campaign to take her Congressional seat. Pelosi has refused to start impeachment proceedings against President Bush and prefers to kick his ass until he’s out [...]
The brilliance of common idiots fits venue
Inebriated Press
July 24, 2007
Democratic candidates for president showed up at The Citadel military academy on Monday night and took direct and sometimes rude questions — thanks to a new debate format that included YouTube videos. Intelligence-calculating Cray Supercomputers estimated the IQ level of both the video makers and politicians [...]
