Sunday Toon ~ Economy

WAC: Get your own Titanium Hyper-action Ginsu Knife

Weekend Ad Copy (WAC) by: Ronco Media Ginsu Knife Division
Inebriated Press
September 29, 2007
Sick of dull blades when on the wrong side of town, or maybe you’re stymied when hacking on a tough steak or your husband’s lover? Well put those days behind you! Now you can own a Ginsu that can cut anything [...]

Fight Illness with Sex and Breast Pumping

Russia Discovers that Sex Cures the Common Cold
Harvard Student wins Breast Pumping Medical Case
Inebriated Press
September 28, 2007
The Russian newspaper Pravda reported this week that sexual activity is good for both the body and mind and may relieve cold symptoms such as shivering and muscle stiffness.  The paper cited Swiss doctors that say sexual activity strengthens [...]

Nude pic’s of Hillary Clinton online

Hubby sells shower shots to fund run for presidency
Inebriated Press
September 28, 2007
Nude pictures of presidential candidate Hillary Rodham Clinton have appeared on the website TeaAndAss.com a popular high society Internet portal for politicians and social climbers.  Reportedly former president Bill Clinton sold the pictures to replace funds lost when Democrat fund raiser Norman Hsu was [...]

Iran Defies U.N., U.S. Battles Honduran Socks

Fear of socks and nukes ramping in U.S.
Inebriated Press
September 27, 2007
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad declared yesterday that his country would answer only to international inspectors, not the United Nations Security Council, in the dispute over its nuclear ambitions.  And the U.S. Committee for the Implementation of Textile Agreements has until late November to decide whether [...]

Jay Leno and Paris Hilton Found in Love Nest

Couple caught cuddling in condo
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
September 27, 2007
TMZ reports from deep underground that Paris Hilton and Jay Leno were discovered massaging each others hips in a Hot Springs, Arkansas condominium last week.  Paparazzi using Soviet style night vision goggles and armed with AK-47’s flushed the couple out onto the balcony by using [...]

Students Tasered, Why Not Ahmadinejad

One disrupts talk of Iraq, the other disrupts Iraq
Inebriated Press
September 26, 2007
Campus police at the University of Florida tackled, then Tasered a journalism student last week for disrupting a Q and A session with U.S. Senator John Kerry.  Some say it was warranted, others say the police over reacted.  Yesterday Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad spoke [...]

Amazing New Pork Liver Diet

Pounds drop away “like crazy”
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
September 26, 2007
A new diet sensation is sweeping across America and into trendy eateries and diet clinics everywhere.  It’s called the Pork Liver Diet and it’s the latest chic approach to weight loss.  The diet’s combination of simplicity and effectiveness is giving every appearance that this plan [...]

Mattel Apologizes to China, Iran, Britney’s Mom

“We are the baddies” says CEO
Inebriated Press
September 25, 2007
Mattel CEO Robert Eckert apologized to China for recalling lead and asbestos laden Chinese toys that Mattel distributed in the U.S. saying “Mattel takes full responsibility for these recalls and apologizes personally to you, the Chinese people.”  Eckert elaborated by saying, “We should have accepted whatever the [...]

Elvis Spotted at Old Country Buffet

Chow hound with blue suede shoes still going
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
September 25, 2007
Ignoring reports that he’s dead or on Mars Elvis Presley was seen chowing down at an Eagan, Minnesota Country Buffet yesterday.  The 72 year old was described as slender and muscular by the Lake Wobegon Lutheran Church Ladies Aid Society who were [...]

New High Speed Viagra Screws Time

Bayer-Pfizer product comes on hard and fast in 2 seconds or less
Inebriated Press
September 24, 2007
In the battle of the sexes a new weapon has emerged and it’s being tweaked for speed and efficiency.  Guys who can’t wait around when opportunity knocks are snapping up a new Bayer-Pfizer Viagra product the way Rosie O’Donnell scarf’s up [...]

Clueless Silverstone Naked, Columbia U. Too

Alicia sheds clothes for PETA; University sheds brain cells for Ahmadinejad
Inebriated Press
September 24, 2007
Alicia Silverstone, star of the movie “Clueless” appears nude in a new PETA promo spot and says she’s never felt better than since she started hating meat-eaters.  Meanwhile, Columbia University has traded away IQ points in favor of Islamofascism and is hosting [...]