CIA spying on Brit’s, Old women hold guns on young men, and A big ass is the key to good health

> CIA is monitoring 4,000 UK terrorist suspects
> Seventy-year-old woman holds home intruder at gunpoint; had a gun and knew how to use it
> Buttock and hip fat may protect women against type 2 diabetes
  

Inebriated Press
January 8, 2009

090108-cia-seal1Australia’s The Age reported Monday that the CIA has begun an intelligence-gathering operation in Britain to help MI5 monitor 4000 terrorist suspects. The article said that over four out of ten CIA operations to prevent attacks on U.S. soil are now conducted against targets in Britain. And WNDU-TV Southbend, Indiana reported Sunday that a 70-year-old woman held a gun on a 28-year-old burglar and threatened to shoot him if he moved, while they waited for police to arrive and arrest him.  Meanwhile, Australia’s Courier-Mail reported Monday that even though most women don’t want a big ass, new research shows that the fat may be protecting them from disease by releasing certain hormones.  Pundits are debating the benefits of spies, big asses and women with guns.

Guns, ass and intel. Hooah!
Guns, ass and intel. Hooah!

“I don’t know much about diabetes or terrorism, but I’ll tell you straight up that my quality of life improved like gangbusters when I started spying on big-assed women carrying guns, that’s for sure,” said Clyde Barlow-Nife, a sharp dresser and part-time hooligan, caught living during an age when terrorists are in vogue and hooligan’s are out of fashion. “I was never much into voyeurism in my younger days, I was more of a doer then.  As I got older I came to enjoy the more relaxed approach of just spying on people.  Hot women with big T and A’s packing heat are the most interesting.  Not sure what I’d do if one of them caught me or I caught one of them.  Still, we’d probably figure something out.”

Some people are completely confused by Barlow-Nife.  “I have no clue what Clyde’s talking about.  I do know this: the CIA needs to spy on terrorists where ever they are and root out risks to this country — and that’s true whether Obama and Panetta think so or not.  And all women should carry guns for their own defense, and if having a big ass is healthy, I’m in prime condition,” said Mary-Lou Pye, a pastry baker and part-time small arms dealer, who enjoys playing with whips and chains when she’s not baking or shooting stuff.  “I’ve got so much heat packed on my hips that no terrorist, burglar or bungler will take me down easily.  You think a bakery oven is hot, you haven’t seen me in an apron.”

Packing heat.
Packing heat.

The Age reported that the CIA has begun an unprecedented intelligence-gathering operation in Britain to help MI5 monitor 4000 terrorist suspects. More than four out of 10 CIA operations to prevent attacks on US soil are now conducted against targets in Britain. This has led to friction between British and American spies, with some US intelligence officers irritated that resources are being diverted to gather intelligence on suspects in their closest ally’s backyard. British intelligence officers do not know the identity of all the CIA informers and are uneasy about some of the uses to which the intelligence has been put. MI5 as a whole is glad of the help, however, and works closely with its sister service. US spies share information when it concerns security in Britain.

Intelligence from CIA informers is believed to have helped thwart more than one terrorist atrocity on British soil. Information passed on by a CIA source in Britain was also instrumental in locating Rashid Rauf, a British-born al-Qaeda operative killed by a US air strike in Pakistan on November 22. A former CIA officer who still carries out freelance work for the agency voiced the irritation of some American spies. “It’s certainly frustrating that Britain is an Islamist swamp,” he said. “You don’t want to have to spend time spying on your friends.” MI5 director-general Jonathan Evans has estimated about 4000 people in Britain pose a direct threat to national security.

Cyrus Brown, Crook
Cyrus Brown, Crook

WNDU-TV reported that a 70-year-old woman named Sandra — she asked that her last name not be used — held an intruder who broke into her home at gunpoint until police arrived. That man is 28-year-old Cyrus Brown. Brown is being held in jail on a number of charges, including burglary and intimidation. It was all started about nine o’clock Sunday night. Sandra says she was in the midst of splitting wood for her fire and making vegetable soup, when she heard a ruckus outside.

“All of a sudden, I’m hearing fast footsteps around my yard, around my deck,” says Sandra. That’s when she says she grabbed her gun and called 911. Moments later– the intruder– Cyrus Brown, broke through her back patio door, pushing his way through the glass. “Immediately, I felt there was danger because he was so desperate,” explains the 70-year-old. “He’s in the kitchen by the stove, I told him to get down on the floor. I said if you come any closer to me, I will shoot you to kill. I told him to sit down, don’t move, and I want to see your hands at all times,” adds Sandra. Newscenter 16 obtained the 911 call that Sandra made. In the background, you can hear her demanding the suspect get down.

Hunting for something, shooting at birds
Hunting for something, shooting at birds

911 call:
Dispatch: “Ma’am, where is he at in the house?”
Sandra: “Get, get, get! You have more to fear from me!”

911 call:
Dispatch: “Ma’am, are you holding him at gunpoint?”
Sandra: “Yes, I am. And if he moves towards me, I’m afraid I’m going to have to kill. I don’t want to have to kill him.”

In that moment, Sandra says she was glad she had a gun and knew how to use it– just in case. Sandra is a mother of three and has several grandchildren. She says she hopes others can learn from her story and think about protecting themselves.

The Courier-Mail reported that fat bottoms are the bane of many women but scientists believe oversized rears are a sign a woman’s health has not gone pear-shaped. New research, published in the journal Cell Metabolism, suggests the fat responsible for producing the pear shape flaunted by celebrities such as Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce may be active in protecting women from diseases by releasing certain hormones. Buttock and hip fat may protect women against type 2 diabetes, from which more than 1.7 million Australians now suffer, researchers from the Harvard Medical School found.

Beyonce, the pinnacle of health.
Beyonce, the pinnacle of health.

Researcher Dr Ronald Kahn insisted that not all fat was bad for health. “The surprising thing was that it wasn’t where the fat was located, it was the kind of fat that was the most important variable,” he said. “Even more surprising, it wasn’t that abdominal fat was exerting negative effects but that subcutaneous fat was producing a good effect. If we can capture those (substances) we might have an opportunity to convert them into drugs or use them as guides to help develop drugs.”

In other news, BBC reported Tuesday that females are less physically active at both ends of life than their male counterparts, two studies suggest. Researchers studied activity levels in school children and the over 70s – and in both cases found males tended to be more active.

Jennifer Lopez and Asset

Jennifer Lopez and Asset

Researcher Dr Nicky Ridgers said: “It is a concern that girls’ activity levels are lower than boys and, although it is just one piece in a complex picture, this could be contributing to girls being overweight and obese.”  No word on whether Dr Nicky and Dr Ron will merge their studies and discover that the reason women live longer than men is because they’re less active and have bigger asses that protect their health, but if Clyde Barlow-Nife spying on them maybe there’ll be a break-through.

(C) 2009 InebriatedPress.com

 

Source articles:

CIA tracking 4000 UK terror suspects
http://www.theage.com.au/world/cia-tracking-4000-uk-terror-suspects-20090104-79u6.html?page=-1

Seventy-year-old woman holds home intruder at gunpoint, talks about ordeal
http://www.wndu.com/localnews/headlines/37073429.html

Why big bums are good for you
http://www.news.com.au/couriermail/story/0,23739,24878517-23272,00.html

Females ‘less physically active’
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/7811398.stm

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