By N.M. Fredrickson
Guest Columnist
The sign read “No Tourists Beyond This Point” and being a tourist it of course applied to me (a tourist being defined as someone with a deer-in-headlights look on his face and a digital camera permanently attached to his hands). It was a Mayan temple and not only was there a sign forbidding my entrance, but also a rope—and a very flimsy rope at that—to thwart any attempt to enter into the dark passageway at the base of the ancient structure.
“All I would have to do is unlatch this rope and slide in unnoticed by the guide or the others,” I said to myself as I carefully looked around to see if anyone else was looking. Although tempted I decided it would be best not to commit such an offense. After all, what could be the consequences of such a blatant disregard of the sign?
It’s possible the sign was there because the tomb beneath the Mayan temple was structurally unsound or home to one of the many poisonous insects or animals from the surrounding jungle. Although tempted I chose to be a rule-abiding citizen and leave the rope affixed to the flimsy pole separating me from possibly discovering some extraordinary Mesoamerican secret. Or, very likely, inviting a spider bite that would cause me to blow up like Captain Kirk at an all-you-can-eat Klingon buffet.
In a different time and a different place—England to be precise—I saw this very same sign in one of the older buildings located in the Tower of London. In this case the “No Tourists Beyond This Point” sign was barring me entrance to a staircase that looked as if it wound deeply into the belly of the medieval fortress.
Looking to see if a Yeomen Warder was nearby (Yeomen Warder is just a fancy name for security guard. The Brits put fancy names on everything), I pondered for a moment just what would happen if I were to slip past the rope and descend the stairs. Would I discover a book, which revealed that I was the true heir to the British throne? Probably not. What I might have found was an ancient British cookbook called “101 Ways to Make Food Taste Like Cardboard.” For those who have traveled to the UK, you know exactly what I mean.
Coincidentally I have seen these signs on almost all of my travels. They are all over the Smithsonian in our nation’s capital, they pepper the landscape of the Castillo de San Marcos, the Spanish Colonial fortress in St. Augustine, Florida and the list goes on.
I know the signs are there for my benefit, but I would appreciate if they would at least have an accompanying placard that explained what mundane or dangerous thing awaited me if I crossed this barrier. Like at the Louvre Museum in Paris. After the “No Tourists Beyond This Point” perhaps it could it state in smaller letters…“Because this is where we train our city’s mimes and they need absolute silence.”
The Holy Grail, Ark of the Covenant and every other lost treasure could be in that room, but so long as there are mimes around, I’m staying the heck away!
Copyright 2009, N.M. Fredrickson, All Rights Reserved.
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