Benevolent Murdoch Tries to Help Dow Jones

Takeover plan merely beneficent

Inebriated Press
June 26, 2007

An “agreement in principle” was reached today between Dow Jones & Company and Rupert Murdoch’s News Corporation.  According to Gerbil’s close to the agreement terms provide editorial independence for the Wall Street Journal in the event that it becomes part of the Fox News Family of Friends.  Reportedly this clears the way to further discussion and bouts of heavy drinking.

For the past several weeks Murdoch, chairman of News Corp and the Bancroft family, principal owners of Dow Jones have been wrestling in an attic someplace in New York.  Reportedly Murdoch had several takedowns and a near pin but the Bancroft’s were able to slip out from under him and disguise themselves as a packing trunk and small wooden crate.  When elbows and egos were bruised in the tussle, negotiations shifted to lawyers from both parties.

Dow Jones has been in the Bancroft family since 1902 and they’ve stated publicly that they “like the old girl.”  Comments like those have caused consternation among male staffers of The Wall Street Journal and some have been heard hooting and seen making obscene gestures in all directions. 

News Corporation is known for producing wildly liberal TV shows and wildly conservative news reports.  This has confused both media and investors.  Said a financial analyst close to the business, “who are you again?”

At this time negotiations continue behind closed doors and open windows with only occasional screams and fiendish laughter.

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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