Brave New Battleground: Google Versus Microsoft

Inebriated Press
June 26, 2007

On Monday Google requested permission to file a friend-of-the-court brief so they could intervene in Microsoft’s antitrust settlement regarding Windows.  On Tuesday a federal judge said she’s not likely to allow it even though it’s often difficult to find friends.  

Typing her ruling on a Mac with Linux OS while searching the web using Firefox, U.S. District Court Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly wrote that it’s up to the US Department of Agriculture to decide what to do and that she enjoys both Google and Microsoft.  Despite Google’s complaint that Microsoft was using Vista’s “Instant Search” on the desktop in coercive competition with Google’s voluntary program, the Judge said that her Microsoft shares were down and that she had bought Google too late to benefit enough from any decision favoring Google.  She then chuckled and said “only kidding.”

Bill Gates was satisfied with the direction the Judge was leaning and said, “I’m a friend of this court already.  Let’s not let too many folks mix in.”

In 2000 a federal judge ruled that Microsoft had violated federal antitrust law and ruled that the Microsoft Corporation should be broken up.  In 2002 negotiations were undertaken and concluded with Microsoft agreeing to a settlement instead ($50 and a bag of M&M’s to any individual who can prove that Bill Gates personally bit their ankle).  Google reminded the janitor-of-the-court that this ruling should be again considered but with Skittles instead of M&M’s.

At this time the court appears to favor $25 and Trail Mix.

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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