When is the Vice President not the Vice President?

Or – when is an Executive Office not an Executive Office?

Inebriated Press
June 27, 2007

U.S. Vice President Richard “Dick” Cheney has declared that the Office of Vice President of the United States is not an Executive Office and is therefore not subject to national security disclosure requirements.  President George W. Bush agreed and told him to keep his secrets to himself.  In responding to critics who say he needs to turn over information about national security Cheney said, “Let me alone my stuff doesn’t count.”  Democrats decided to play along by proposing to eliminate funding for the Office of Vice President.

Rep. Rahm Emanuel, D-Ill. has sponsored an amendment to the annual spending bill that will de-fund the “non-executive office” of Vice President.  In doing so he noted that five years ago Cheney claimed executive privilege when he refused to release details about meetings with oil industry executives where they discussed energy policy.  Said the Representative, “Now when we want to know what his executive office is doing as it relates to America’s national security, he says he’s a member of the legislative branch.  If he can’t figure out what his office does why should I?  Let’s cut funding and at least we’ll save some money.”

Cheney is known to have heart problems leading some legislators to call him “heartless.”  He reinforced that impression in recent years by shooting a hunting companion in the face.  “I thought he was a bird,” Cheney reportedly said.

When questioned by media about his apparent confusion between offices, birds and friends Cheney reportedly stood beside a small fern and said, “I’m a plant. Who are you talking to?”

Insiders at the Depart of Justice (DOJ) say that the impeachable action’s of Nixon when President is starting to look pretty good and if he weren’t dead, he might be considering a comeback.  “Nixon’s guys broke into offices,” said a DOJ official.  “They at least knew what they were.”

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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