Daily Archives: July 5, 2007

Arizona Makes Hiring Illegal’s Illegal

Stunning law to debut January 2008

Inebriated Press
July 5, 2007

Arizona has passed a law making it illegal to hire illegal workers.  Beginning in January businesses face the loss of their operating licenses for breaking the law.  The Workers Undocumented Society (WUS) is pledging to fight the law which it says unjustly discriminates against illegal activity.  Illegal workers also spoke out against the law.

“The idea that illegal activity is to be considered illegal is reprehensible to me,” said an unnamed source currently working in the US illegally.  “It goes against everything that current Democratic presidential candidates stand for.”

Luiz Jones, Executive Director of WUS said Arizona has become the poster child for worker and employer discrimination.  “No one should be required to be in the country legally and no company should be held to legal standards.  Living undocumented in America is an alternative lifestyle and no prejudice should stand against it.”

Governor Janet Napolitano said it’s time somebody acted to slow the tide of illegal immigration and law breaking in general.  “The Federal Government has a “catch and release plan” on the border so they won’t stop illegal’s from coming into my state.  Arizona is burdened with higher crime because of illegal’s.  Maybe if I slap the shit out of business they’ll do something.”

Luiz said that the State of Arizona needs to adopt the WUS approach to immigration like the Federal Government has.  “Our organization has given the past four Presidents the ‘Big Ass WUS Award.’  If the Arizona Governor won’t repeal this law she will never be called a Big Ass WUS like our presidents.  She’d better think long and hard about that.”

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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Human Shields Using Girls Gain in Popularity

Folks who are stunned that Jihadists lack ethics show cultural misunderstanding

Inebriated Press
July 5, 2007

(Pakistan) — Small groups of radical students slipped out of Islamabad’s Red Mosque on Thursday but young girls known to be inside were not leaving.  This caused some to believe that Pakistani terrorists were keeping the girls locked inside and forcing them to be used as human shields.  The military was called in, the Mosque’s leader was arrested and fighting broke out.  It all began Wednesday when Jihadists accidentally set off some fireworks in the Mosque while celebrating the U.S. Independence Day.  When the military arrived the Jihadists decided to go ahead and take hostages and shoot people so they wouldn’t look silly.

The Mosque’s Taliban-style leader who was captured laughed at the idea of forced human shields.  Abdul Aziz said the girls weren’t forced human shields at all but had “a passion for jihad” and volunteered to be locked into closets and wired with explosives.  He said that 850 students were inside including 600 women and girls. 

Aziz said that the West simply doesn’t understand Jihad.  “The West mistakenly believes that girls locked in a room are being held against their will,” he said.  “The Jihad view is that since the girls can’t escape they are volunteers.” 

Colonel Masha Allah said it’s not unusual that members of the Mosque carry weapons, wear bombs and attend religious bomb making classes, but he said that young girls typically aren’t allowed explosive devises until they’re a bit older.  He said that the use of girls as shields in Jihad was a growing trend.

Cleric Aziz said that Jihad and explosives “know no age” but admitted that while suicidal-jihad-martyrs’ are “the cats pajamas” young-girl-shields are becoming more popular in Jihad culture.  “They’re kind of warm and cuddly and it’s nice to know that they’re protecting my vitals in the midst of gun fire,” he said.   “Even young-girl-shield trading cards are becoming more valuable.”

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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