Human Shields Using Girls Gain in Popularity

Folks who are stunned that Jihadists lack ethics show cultural misunderstanding

Inebriated Press
July 5, 2007

(Pakistan) — Small groups of radical students slipped out of Islamabad’s Red Mosque on Thursday but young girls known to be inside were not leaving.  This caused some to believe that Pakistani terrorists were keeping the girls locked inside and forcing them to be used as human shields.  The military was called in, the Mosque’s leader was arrested and fighting broke out.  It all began Wednesday when Jihadists accidentally set off some fireworks in the Mosque while celebrating the U.S. Independence Day.  When the military arrived the Jihadists decided to go ahead and take hostages and shoot people so they wouldn’t look silly.

The Mosque’s Taliban-style leader who was captured laughed at the idea of forced human shields.  Abdul Aziz said the girls weren’t forced human shields at all but had “a passion for jihad” and volunteered to be locked into closets and wired with explosives.  He said that 850 students were inside including 600 women and girls. 

Aziz said that the West simply doesn’t understand Jihad.  “The West mistakenly believes that girls locked in a room are being held against their will,” he said.  “The Jihad view is that since the girls can’t escape they are volunteers.” 

Colonel Masha Allah said it’s not unusual that members of the Mosque carry weapons, wear bombs and attend religious bomb making classes, but he said that young girls typically aren’t allowed explosive devises until they’re a bit older.  He said that the use of girls as shields in Jihad was a growing trend.

Cleric Aziz said that Jihad and explosives “know no age” but admitted that while suicidal-jihad-martyrs’ are “the cats pajamas” young-girl-shields are becoming more popular in Jihad culture.  “They’re kind of warm and cuddly and it’s nice to know that they’re protecting my vitals in the midst of gun fire,” he said.   “Even young-girl-shield trading cards are becoming more valuable.”

© 2007 Inebriated Press

Comments Off on Human Shields Using Girls Gain in Popularity

Filed under Humor, IP News

Comments are closed.