Daily Archives: July 6, 2007

NASA Buys $19 million Russian Toilet

Says they’re not just pissing away money

Inebriated Press
July 6, 2007

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) has purchased a Russian-made toilet for $19 million dollars.  It will be installed on the US side of the International Space Station in 2008.  According to the trade publication Bathroom Newsletter the American’s saw a lavish Russian Imperial style bathroom at a tradeshow and wanted one of their own.

Velvet leg and thigh restraints hold the astronauts in place while they do their “business” and fans suck stuff into a septic and wastewater tank.  The American’s said that the Russian restraints were very comfortable and worth a couple million dollars in their own right.

“In the past I’ve had chaffing and soreness when strapped to the can while taking a dump,” said astronaut Larry Peedman.  “This Russian outfit is darn comfortable.”

NASA said it was cheaper just to buy the Russian toilet than to build one.  The Russians are known for building complex toilets with recycling systems that filter waste and allow fluids to be reused to shower with. 

Recently some rumors have floated about indicating that American astronauts were uncomfortable showering with the used Russian wastewater and preferred using their own.

The Russians were happy to sell the unit to the Americans.  “We don’t know why they want their own.  They never had to wait more than an hour or two to borrow ours.”

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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Al Gore’s son Albert III arrested

Gore says he’s not a user; drugs power his Prius Hybrid car

Inebriated Press
July 6, 2007

The Los Angeles Times reported yesterday that former Vice President Al Gore’s son Al the 3rd was arrested on July 4th after being stopped for speeding.  Orange County California deputies said that Gore’s Prius was going 100 miles per hour and when stopped was found to contain marijuana and the prescription drugs Vicodin, Valium, Xanax and Adderall.

“The car’s a Hybrid that my dad bought me,” said Gore #3.  “It’s environmentally friendly and runs on marijuana and prescription medication confiscated in routine drug busts.  It’s my dad’s thing.  I don’t use the stuff except for the car when I’m driving.”

The sheriff’s office reported that Gore had no doctor’s prescriptions and that the smell of marijuana was so strong that police searched the car and found all the drugs. 

“The kid was puffing on weed and driving a Prius 100 miles an hour.  I think both the car and the kid were on something illegal,” said Jim Ammo, a spokesman for the sheriff’s department.

Former Vice President Al Gore said that the whole thing was a misunderstanding and that the sheriffs’ department should recognize that the Gores’ and Prius’ are environmentally safe and should be allowed to roam free.  “Let’s not argue about who may or may not have been speeding or doing drugs,” said the former Vice President.  “We need to focus on global warming and issues that are important to all Americans and global citizens.”

Said Ammo, “We’re locking the kid up.  And that’s the inconvenient truth.”

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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