Daily Archives: July 12, 2007

Cardboard Pork Makes Food Industry Inroads

China’s new delicacy catching on

Inebriated Press
July 12, 2007

The Associated Press reported today that chopped cardboard, softened with an industrial chemical and made tasty with pork flavoring is the main ingredient in batches of steamed buns sold in Beijing.

The pork buns called baozi in China and worthless in the rest of the world, are traditionally fluffy white buns filled with minced pork. The new innovation substitutes the pork for chemically treated cardboard. A blend of hog fat is added for flavor. This combination reduces production costs without trading away taste.

Wolfgang Puck recently tasted the new delicacy and declared it “amazing.”

Celebrity chef and Smithfield Pork spokeswoman Paula Deen said the new product is both innovative and efficient. “By blending low cost hog fat with cardboard, the pork goes much farther in a recipe. This is an efficient way to use pork but it will require more industrial waste than I typically add as a tenderizer.”

Recently the Chinese have been criticized for their lack of food safety controls and the new chemo-pork-bun is expected to polish their image. “We occasionally kill people and pets with our bad food,” said Chiz Nix, China’s minister of strange unnatural food. “These chemo treated buns are our way of showing good faith and giving back to those people who have criticized our way of doing things. By exporting these to the U.S. and other countries, we will show that we care about taste and safety.”

The U.S. Food Safety Agency which currently doesn’t exist did not issue a comment.

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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Toyota Merges With US Youth Group

Former Future Farmers of America (FFA) now backs Japan’s Toyota

Inebriated Press

July 12, 2007

Toyota Motor Sales and the National FFA Foundation announced a deal that allows Toyota dealers involvement in all FFA events across the United States.  The plan will support Toyota’s all-new Tundra truck roll out.  Future Farmers gave up on US Chrysler’s Dodge trucks when the German’s took it over.

Expressing disillusionment with the decline of the US pickup truck industry, Future Farmer Nate ‘Dusty’ McJones said it was a sad day.  “Today we’ve officially given up on the US pickup truck industry,” he said, a tear glistening in his left eye.  “The days of hard core, built-tuff US trucks is over.  We’re signing up with the Japanese.”

Chrysler has been known for their tough Dodge Ram pickup trucks throughout the U.S. West and ranchers have hot rodded hem into town for supplies for years.  No more.  Now it’s Japan’s turn to rule the West. 

“There’s really no good reason to abandon Dodge,” said Chrysler executive Adolph Blizer.  “We just sold 80% of the business to Cerberus Capital and they’re based in New York.  Things could turn around”.
 
Reportedly the FFA considered giving Chrysler a bit more time to turn the company around but gave it up.  “Cerberus is named for the three-headed dog in Greek mythology that guarded the gates of Hades,” said Dusty.  “It’s too late.  Chrysler has gone to hell so it’s Toyota for us.” 

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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