New Science Makes Tummy Fat Genes Grow New Breasts

Inebriated Press

July 13, 2007 

Scientists say they can create a fat mixture with concentrated stem cells from a woman’s waist, which, when injected into the breast encourages tissue to grow.  Fat-waisted, small-chested women reacted with optimism over the news.

The therapy, detailed in Chemistry and Industry Magazine says it could help patients who have had mastectomies or people who just want bigger jugs.

Cytori Therapeutics plans to license the new technique and hopes to compete with silicone breast implant companies.  McDonald’s Food Corporation announced a $2.5 million investment in Cytori.  

“We want to be part of a food system that helps women get bigger breasts and smaller waists,” said McDonald’s CEO Jim Skinner.  “With this new technique, burger and fry girls will be plumping up their chests and not their waistline.  We’re thinking of starting a McD Cup Line with Victoria’s secret and co-branding a line of “Victoria McDonald Happy Meals.”

Ronald McDonald likes the idea. “I’m eager for this deal to start,” said Ronald.  “You have no idea how hard it is to get dates when you look like me.  Hopefully I’ll have an inside track with Victoria Secret models.”

Doctors say that the procedure can be carried out over a single lunch hour and may also use ass fat.  Some scientists say that fat from the stomach, bottom or thigh can be taken out with a standard liposuction procedure, and the stem cells then extracted and injected into a women’s chest.  They said that breasts then fill out over the course of six months.

Big-assed girls also lauded the discovery and look forward to a brighter future.  Reportedly Jennifer Lopez has scheduled an appointment to consult with scientists at Cytori Therapeutics and fry chefs at McDonald’s Corporation.

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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