Infidelity in Congress as Natural as Tax Hikes

Lawmakers stick to “do as we say, not as we do” philosophy

Inebriated Press
July 16, 2007

On Monday Wendy Vitter publicly forgave her husband Senator David Vitter (R-LA) for sleeping with prostitutes.  The Senator has been a longtime defender of the sanctity of marriage and says that he probably should have set aside the “do as we say not as we do” Washington tradition and kept his bells in the right church.  Reportedly he’s now one bell short of a set as part of the terms reached with Wendy for her public announcement.

Senator Vitter walked to the podium with a slight limp and introduced his wife Wendy who said she promised to stick by him “for better or worse.”  She said that this was clearly for the worse and he’d better quit screwing around with her and the country.  The Senator appeared humble and somewhat uncomfortable and said “okay.”

New Orleans’ Madam Jeanette Maier said Vitter was a regular customer at her Canal Street brothel and hated to “out” the guy, but he and several other Senators and Congressmen were behind in their payments.  She said that she hoped her release of his name would get everyone paid up to date.  “We’ve been receiving wire transfer payments ever since I went public,” said Maier.  “Some are posting advances and creating drawing accounts so I think this has been pretty successful.”

Former President Bill Clinton said that he was “shocked and saddened” that the Republican’s poor payment record was impacting brothel business.  “It’s one more example of how the Republican’s have been screwing up the economy,” said Clinton at a media conference held in the 56th Street Hooters in New York City.  “We Democrats may not fund the military but we take care of our women at home.”

Hillary Rodham Clinton was seen glaring at Bill and popping aspirin but refused to comment.

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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