Despite mistreatment by Democrats, U.S. leader resilient
July 23, 2007
The White House announced today that test results from President George W. Bush’s colonoscopy show no signs of cancer but do display scratches identified as coming from Congressional Leader Nancy Pelosi’s fingernails. Bush said he felt “pretty good, all things considered” and Pelosi said she has plans to shove more proposed Republican legislation up his ass.
Press Secretary Tony Snow issued a statement saying that microscopic evaluation of five polyps that were discovered and removed during the president’s colonoscopy were merely “garden variety.” Pelosi said that she hadn’t seen a Republican policy garden but doubted that they were pretty.
Bush had temporarily transferred the powers of the presidency to Vice President Dick Cheney during the medical procedure invoking the rarely used 25th Amendment. Heart specialists monitored a real-time EKG wired to Cheney and stood by with heart defibrillators charged and ready in the event that his heart stopped functioning. They sought to quell rumors that Cheney’s heart had already stopped working prior to him shooting his friend in the face “accidentally” a year or so ago. “Its still going,” said Dr. Hugo Hornblaster. “Really, it is.”
Democrats have taken a particular dislike to the current Republican administration. “They’re just no fun,” said Harry Reid, Senate Majority Leader. “You go to the Oval Office and it’s just a meeting. During the Bill Clinton presidency there’d be booze and women. You never knew what crazy stuff might happen. It was really cool.”
© 2007 Inebriated Press