Sheehan Rips Pelosi for Conservative Approach

Alleges she’s a closet conservative

Inebriated Press
July 24, 2007

Anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan is so angry at House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s conservative stance that on Monday she threatened to start a political campaign to take her Congressional seat.  Pelosi has refused to start impeachment proceedings against President Bush and prefers to kick his ass until he’s out of office.  This has increasingly riled progressives like Sheehan.

“Impeachment is not a fringe movement, it is mandated in our Constitution right next to Bush’s picture,” Sheehan said.  “Nancy Pelosi has no authority to ignore it and should be driven out of office.”

The packed crowd of nine Sheehan backers showed their support by hooting, spitting on the ground and posing for the 25 photographers and New York Times reporters covering the event.  A Virginia hot dog seller struggled to control the throng and eventually radioed police who promptly ignored him.

Political commentator George “Steffy” Stephanopoulos said that the outcry will change the shape of American politics.  “This type of groundswell will revolutionize everything we think I know about politics in America,” said the characteristically understated Stephanopoulos.  “Today I can’t look at Nancy Pelosi the way you did yesterday.  This brands her as a wild eyed conservative who refuses to date me.”

Pelosi said that she didn’t have time to address Sheehan’s concerns “right now” but plans to include comments about them in her book of memoirs.  Doubleday will publish Pelosi’s memoirs in 2008 just prior to the election.  Pelosi encouraged reporters to advance-order the book from and save money and build demand.  Sheehan said the action just shows Pelosi’s right leaning “money grubbing” tendencies.

William Morris Agency chairman Norman Brokaw negotiated the sale of Pelosi’s memoirs and said that from the first time he met Nancy he could tell she was going to make history.  “I asked Nancy to autograph my right buttock,” said Brokaw.  “I haven’t washed it since.  She’s a babe.”

Sheehan says she doesn’t care if Pelosi is better looking than she is or that her professional life is more remarkable.  “I’ve done some cool shit too,” she said.

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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