Pepsi Sells Tap Water for Fun and Profit

Only makes a few million; not that big a deal

Inebriated Press
July 27, 2007

PepsiCo revealed today that it’s Aquafina bottled water is made with tap water.  Corporate Accountability International said that Pepsi will now put “Public Water Source” on all Aquafina labels.  Pepsi said it wouldn’t affect sales because they’d make the print really small.

“What water source isn’t a public source,” said Pepsi Chief Executive Indra Nooyi.  “If they work at it the public can get its own water from mountain streams, France or their bathroom faucets.” 

A spokesperson for Coca-Cola Company said their water comes from the men’s room at the Atlanta office and that it’s approved by both the Atlanta Public Utilities Commission and the men’s room attendant.  “This stuff is pretty good,” said Leroy Isdell, men’s room attendant and Coke CEO’s cousin.  “I use it all the time.”

The consumer group Eat Good or Die (EGOD) says that Pepsi and Coke should have labeled their water sooner.  “We should know if we’re just drinking standard tap water and not something carried from the mountains by ducks,” said Saz Perilla, EGOD director.  “It’s not the price it’s the ethics.  Well, maybe it’s the price.”

The fella’s at Jake’s Billiard Room and Slab Works say that the EGOD group is over-reacting.  “What’d you say,” said Izzy Stillhere.  “I’m shootin.”

Dave Kolpak, a portfolio manager at Victory Capital Management said it is too early to tell if there will be an economic impact on the stock market.  “Sure the market was off 311 points yesterday.  But I think that was because of something else.”

San Francisco’s mayor recently banned city employees from using city funds to buy bottled water when tap water is available. Ann Arbor, Michigan just passed a resolution banning commercially bottled water at city events and Salt Lake City, Utah asked department heads to eliminate bottled water unless they’re thirsty.

In other news U.S. astronauts who flew space shuttle missions drunk are now seen as simply trying to avoid water from Coke’s men’s’ room.

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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