Bulletproof Backpack a ‘Must Have’ for School

Just packing heat isn’t enough

Inebriated Press
August 14, 2007

The “Kick Ass Pack-Ensemble Module” a.k.a. KAP-EM is a bulletproof backpack for kids and its available just in time for the back-to-school shopper.  The pack looks like a regular kids backpack but can withstand a wide range of bullets including nine-millimeter hollow points.  It also includes a built in quick-access holster for your child’s nine-millimeter plus extra side pockets for multiple clips to ensure that your boy or girl won’t run low on ammo in the heat of a fire fight.

Joe “Mighty” Currant, the founder of KAP-EM said that most school shootings involve handgun caliber bullets fired from one to three meters away and his pack easily stops them.  He said that all a kid has to do is hold the bag by the handle and use it as a shield.  Quick release Velcro flaps will then allow a child to pull their own weapon and return fire.

“I’ve seen enough of the horrible after affects of these school shootings and decided to make a difference,” Said Currant.  “One of the problems consistent in every shooting has been the inability of the innocent kids to defend themselves.  By creating KAP-EM I help level the killing field that exists between the crazed shooter and some kid who just wants to get through History alive.”

Executives at the National Rifle Association (NRA) praised the move.  “It’s high time we start arming all the kids in schools,” said NRA’s CEO Pat Emdown.  “In the playgrounds of school just like the playground of life, if we don’t allow ordinary children and citizens to carry loaded guns, then only criminals and “D” students will have them.”

Not everyone is happy about the new product.  “If kids start protecting themselves and shooting back it’s going to negatively impact the fragile psyche of children with plans to attack others and then kill themselves,” said Andy Romeo, Executive Director of the American Civil Liberties Union.  “And that’s an infringement on these children’s rights.  Psycho’s are people too.”

In other news, Al Qaeda says they are planning attacks on New York, Los Angeles and Miami.  They say that with Allah’s help all Americans will lay down their weapons and accept economic meltdown, many deaths and financial crisis which will lead to a new age of better living through the control of kind hearted Islamofascists.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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