Police Officers Angry With Law Against Them Quiting

New law says officers can’t resign

Inebriated Press
August 15, 2007

In a move designed to beef up a police force that has recently been hit by mass desertions and resignations, the Zimbabwe government has made it illegal for officers to resign.  Morale has shot up on this showing of confidence.

Police officers have been deserting the force in droves due to low wages and bad working conditions.  “This job is a crime,” said an unnamed police officer wearing a paper bag as a hat.  “They don’t pay us a fair wage and we have to do our own laundry.  Do you know how hard it is to get blood out of clothing?”

Police spokesman, Waynin Numbrz denied that there were problems and said the talk of mass desertions was overblown.  “We still have the same number of officers today as yesterday,” said Numbrz.  “By law that figure can’t go down so it hasn’t.  If I can ever find any of the officers that are assigned to this building I’m going to remind them of that.”

Zimbabwe President Bob Mugless said that things were going to be improving because the government was printing more money for the officers to spend.  “We just got in a shipment of paper and ink,” said the President.  “Soon our cops will be rolling in dough and won’t want to resign.  We’ve also ordered some Tide detergent and blood remover and that should be a morale booster too.”

U.S. police officers feel sorry for the Zimbabwe but have no plans to relocate.  “Dealing with Britney and Paris is a pain, but at least we have a service that washes the puke out of our uniforms,” said Hollywood police officer John Doe.

In other news, the Zimbabwe police officers union says that it’s okay to occasionally beat an unarmed citizen if it improves morale.  And Paris Hilton plans to attend a party.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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