Despite Congress and the President, Citizens are Happy
August 16, 2007
A new Harris Poll found that 94% of Americans are either very or somewhat satisfied with their lives. Meanwhile President George W. Bush’s approval rating is at 35% and the U.S. Congress is even lower, at 25%. The Twins beat the Mariners 6 to 2 in Seattle and David Beckham scored his first goal since landing at Plymouth Rock. Nancy Pelosi blames Bush for the 6% of Americans who are unhappy and the Mariners are pissed that they gave up a grand slam home run to Torii Hunter in the ninth.
“George Bush still doesn’t get it,” said Nancy Pelosi, Speaker of the House and winner of the Whiner of The Year Award. “If it wasn’t for his stupid policy in Iraq and his lack of willingness to support initiatives against global warming no Americans would be unhappy. We need a Democrat in the White House soon.”
President Bush said that since only 6% of Americans are unhappy, it shows that things are fine in spite of the crazy stuff that Democrats have been trying to pass in Congress. “I feel pretty good about how things are going,” said the President sipping tap water from an Aquafina bottle. “NASA says despite the damage to the space shuttle it’s not going to blow up, the American people like Congress less than me, and my dog Sparky is using the New York Times in a way that’s fitting. Things are okay.”
House majority leader Harry Reid says the Presidents comments show that he has no feelings for the common man. “When the President chooses to ignore the plight of a minority group like the 6% of Americans who are unhappy, it shows me that he’s a man who just doesn’t care,” said Reid. “If he were to speak out against home runs by Twin’s batters he’d at least be showing sensitivity to the Mariner fans who must be feeling pretty bad right now. I’m sure that many folks in Seattle are among that 6% of unhappy Americans and it’s no consolation that there are a handful of Minnesotans who feel good about this. I’m just beside myself with emotion.”
Speaking for the common man at a dinner party last night Rupert Murdoch said that he thinks everything is great and that the 94% share of happy Americans indicates general satisfaction in Fox News and his TV show The Simpson’s. “I’m doing my part to ensure the happiness of Americans,” said Murdoch while smoking a stogie rolled in a Wall Street Journal wrapper. “I don’t give a rat’s ass about David Beckham and neither does anyone else.”
In other news, Americans continue to insist they’re generally happy despite Congress, the President and Rupert Murdoch.
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