Lindsay Lohan Opens Rehab Spa and BBQ

Innovative new Spa provides booze, ribs and rehab at the same time

Inebriated Press
August 17, 2007

Lindsay Lohan may not be in the news for being arrested the last two days but that doesn’t mean she isn’t keeping busy.  Currently she’s running the new Circle 4 BBQ & Rehab Spa a revolutionary new rehabilitation clinic with a bar, grill and lots of barbeque.  After alcohol counseling a Spa member can chomp on a rib and then slam a few shots at the bar and afterward take a few laps around a track in a bumper car.  Attendants dressed like cops will even pull the cars over and make fake arrests just for “ole time’s sake”.  Hollywood insiders say it’s the cat’s pajamas and even Jack Nickelson is thinking of stopping in for a few drinks and might hang around long enough to smash the windshields of a few bumper cars.  But not everyone is impressed.

“This is the most ghastly thing I’ve seen since becoming sober,” said Ralph Sumore, director of the local Alcoholics Anonymous Chapter.  “It’s like living with Britney Spears!”

LiLo’s days start with a morning hike, meditation, breakfast and chores — all before 9 a.m. After meetings, workshops and recovery programs, there’s only an hour and a half of free time left on the daily roster to cook up some ribs before knocking off for a night of heavy partying.  The key to the new Spa is that it’s all on-site so fewer innocent bystanders are being run over and fewer cars are destroyed by drunken drivers. 

“This has got to be one of the most innovative approaches to handling crazed drunks since handcuffs,” said Hugh Hefner, Playboy magnate and sex crazed old guy.  “And believe me I know drunks and I know handcuffs.”

Dave Anderson, founder of Famous Dave’s BBQ said he not only likes what Lohan is doing but he’s considering a joint venture with her to create a new franchise.  “The BBQ Rehab Spa is an idea whose time has come,” said Anderson pulling a rib from his back pocket and chewing it.  “If we do this right we can turn dull old rehab centers and BBQ joints on their ears!”

In other news, Lindsay’s dad issued a statement saying that he was supportive of Lindsay’s work at the Spa and of Hefner’s work at the Playboy Mansion and hoped to be invited to both.

© 2007

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