Dead Illegal Immigrants Dug Up, Shipped to Mexico

New no-tolerance rules take hold

Inebriated Press
August 20, 2007

Night after night Al “Cob” Korn digs up illegal immigrants buried in the local Cocrete County Cemetery, stuffs them in old seed corn sacks and ships them to Mexico’s National Institute for Migration.  There are some cities in the U.S. that house and protect illegal immigrants and are proud to be referred to as a “Sanctuary City”.  Cocrete Nebraska isn’t one of them.  Disgusted Nebraskans are cracking down on all illegal immigrants including the dead ones.

“These people are lazy and shiftless and illegal and now they want to sleep in our dirt,” Korn told the press while attending an Anti-Mexican National Union of Town Stewards (AMNUTS) meeting. “It’s bad enough that these illegal Mexicans get free food from our food pantries and free health care from our clinics.  Now they’re taking over the cemeteries too.  I’m sending these buggers back to where they came from.  Let the Mexicans bury them in their own ground.  They can’t have mine.”

AMNUTS says that American’s don’t care enough for their pets yet give benefits “hand over fist” to illegal Mexican’s and its time to change that.  Their new program called Dig Up a Mexican and Ship Him International Transit (DUMSHIT) is designed to both educate the public as well as cut back on cemetery demand. 

“The DUMSHIT program returns those dumb shits who shouldn’t have come here in the first place,” said AMNUTS executive director Hadly E. Nuff.  “We can’t have these illegal’s taking over the cemeteries no matter how fast they die or how much it costs to pack’em in bags and send them back.”

Not everyone agrees with the crack down.  “These silly ill-tempered anti-tolerant bigots are evil and should be maimed or killed,” said Louis Farrakhan leader of the Nation of Islam, a group well known for its tolerance and compassion.  “All people should be free, especially supporters of the Nation of Islam who have been oppressed by the white elitists and the rich and powerful who act as slave masters.  What did you say?  Oh these are Mexicans. Never mind.”

Korn, of Romanian decent, says that Mexicans don’t have the scruples that Romanians do and that galls him.  “Shit, even Dracula used to haul his own dirt around with him when he traveled to other countries.  These Mexican’s won’t do that, they want our dirt.  Well they don’t get to have it on my watch.  Into the seed corn sack they go and back home.”

In other news, the anti-American group Mexicans Against U.S. Hand-Outs is holding their annual picnic this Thursday at Sanchez Park in Omaha.  Both picnic tables have been reserved again like last year.

© 2007

Comments Off on Dead Illegal Immigrants Dug Up, Shipped to Mexico

Filed under Humor, Imbibers' Choice, IP News

Comments are closed.