First Lady has Pinched Nerve, Causes Lunar Eclipse

Brings out astronomers and goddess worshipers

Inebriated Press
August 29, 2007

First Lady Laura Bush suffered from a pinched nerve in her neck and shoulder area on Tuesday and the earth cast its shadow across the moon.  Her physicians advised her not to travel and 89 percent of the worlds astronomers converted to astrologers when the earth and moon collaborated unexpectedly to create the eclipse.  “This was no accident,” said astronomer Charles Babbage, founding member of the Astronomical Society of London.  “Rarely has anyone named Laura caused an eclipse of any kind.  If I hadn’t died in 1871 this would scare the shit out of me.”

The eclipse was visible in both North and South America beginning at 0851 UTC and ending at 1224 UTC.  The injury to Laura occurred while she was hiking in Zion National Park in Utah.  The White House didn’t disclose the injury initially because they didn’t know it would affect the first lady’s public schedule or the earth and moon.

“Deities fitting the modern conception of Mother Earth or the Roman moon goddess Luna and having special powers have been revered in many societies through to modern times,” said Archie Graham, noted historian, doctor and former baseball player.  “Only recently has Laura Bush developed influence over the planets and been considered a deity and worshiped.  I think she’s a babe myself and can’t stop thinking about her.”

Mystics say that an earth goddess named Wilayah stems from Iran’s Muslim religion and that Laura has a striking resemblance to her.  CIA insiders leaked a report that said because of the similarity, “Lucky” Ahmadinejad, wife of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, is seriously considering worshiping Laura Bush just to get under his skin.  “He’s becoming a pain in the ass,” Mrs. Ahmadinejad reportedly told her hair dresser earlier this month.  “Roaming the house moaning about the slow progress of the nuclear program; trying to raise more funds to support the insurgents in Iraq; supporting the women-haters in Afghanistan.  We never go out anymore.  I’ve had it up to here.”

Some health care professionals think that President George W. Bush’ constant exposure to Laura’s natural beauty and sex appeal is driving him crazy.  Others believe that Bush comes by it naturally. 

In other news, lunar deity Raquel Welch is over sixty and still eclipses many in the “still hot” category.

© 2007

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