Bill says “see what I was up against”
September 4, 2007
New York Senator and Presidential hopeful Hillary Rodham Clinton admitted today that she’s been hiding her true gender and is actually a transsexual man. Wearing a pink scarf decorated with yellow lightening bolts she looked down on reporters at a press conference held at New York City’s Center for Gender Anonymity and spoke for ten minutes before leaping into the East River for a swim. Clinton said that her unique “situation” allows her to see all sides of every issue and means she’s the most qualified candidate for President of the United States. Former President Bill Clinton, hiding someplace behind her offered support and said he was only slightly surprised by the revelation. He said that over the last decade or so he “figured something was going on.”
Republicans were characteristically gracious. “Who hasn’t been someone or something other than they pretended to be,” said Trent Lott, U.S. Senator from Mississippi. “Naturally I think Hillary is twisted as hell, but then I’ve always thought that. This is no big deal really.”
Barack Obama said he thought Senator Clinton’s revelation was refreshingly candid and that it would result in a more civil and optimistic presidential race. Speaking to reporters from under a desk at his office in Illinois Obama wondered aloud how Bill Clinton was handling the news. “I suppose this doesn’t really change what Bill’s been doing or his relationship with Hillary,” Obama said unwrapping a candy sucker. “But I suppose all these years of not really knowing her could cause him to rewrite his memoirs. Well, at least he has something to keep him busy now.”
The American Male Transsexual Worth Organization (AMTWO) welcomed Hillary and said that they were proud to have a person with their life style preference and philosophy running for president. “We like it,” said Bobsy Twin, Executive Director and tattoo artist. “This is like, so cool I’m almost beside myself. Come to think of it, I am.”
In other news, Osama bin Laden looked out from under a rock for a moment yesterday but then ducked back under again.
© 2007 InebriatedPress.com