Nuclear Missile Incident Results in Obama-Clinton Smack Down

Armed missiles fly across U.S. in violation of policy

Inebriated Press
September 6, 2007

A United States military B-52 mistakenly flew over U.S. territory with five armed nuclear missiles, CNN reported Wednesday. According to CNN, the Pentagon has launched an investigation of the incident.  The pilot says it was no big deal and that he was just “airing them out”.  He said they were getting musty sitting around in a missile silo.  Presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton both said they were shocked to learn that the military moves bombs.  The two candidates argued over which was the most shocked and a tie-breaker has been scheduled by the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) for next Tuesday evening on the Spike TV Network. 

The TV event is called the “WWF Shocked-Democrat Smack Down” and in addition to the Obama-Clinton headliner it will feature several smaller fights between lesser Democrats also expressing shock and dismay over current events.  In the Obama-Clinton fight WWF odds-makers currently offer 2 to1 in favor of Hillary.  “I like her, she fights dirty,” said Hakim Murphy an Arab-Irish bookie in the U.S. illegally who picks melons in his spare time.  “It should be one hell of a fight though.  Obama’s no creampuff.”

According to CNN, the bomber flew from the Minot airbase in North Dakota to the Barksdale military airfield in Louisiana last week carrying armed nuclear cruise missiles.  Some officials are concerned that the breach of policy could have resulted in disaster for a U.S. city.  Current U.S. policy for bombers with armed nukes requires them to fly over Canada or Mexico in case a bomb falls off.  But not everyone is bothered.

“In the right hands and under the proper conditions loaded and armed weapons are no danger to anyone,” said U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney.  “When I shot my friend in the face I’d had a few beers and was hunting birds.  It was a common hunting accident.  This B-52 wasn’t hunting and there were trained sober pilots at the controls.  As long as nukes aren’t in the hands of Democrats or drunken NASA astronauts, we have nothing to be afraid of.”

Past presidential candidate and safety activist Ralph Nader says Cheney is wrong and U.S. citizens have plenty to be worried about.  “Health care, global warming, nuclear holocaust, Chinese food and bad Saturday Night Live skits … the list goes on and on,” said Nader.  “There is so much to worry about that Americans shouldn’t be getting any sleep at all.  I’m so worried I gave up sleep a couple of years ago and get by on green tea and onions.  I’ve got the shits bad but it’s a small price to pay to keep an eye on stuff I have no control over.”

The Pentagon says it will make the results of its investigation public following the Obama-Clinton WWF match or rematch or re-rematch sometime next week or next year.

© 2007

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