Daily Archives: September 7, 2007

Obama and Clinton Back Sex Change; Position Flexibility

Eye stronger defense of transgender lifestyle

Inebriated Press
September 7, 2007

Change is in the air and the battle of Democrats and gender liberation politics is heating up.  Both Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton began airing television ads Wednesday called “Change.”  Early in the presidential campaign Obama said change meant voting for a good black Democrat while Clinton stressed the need to vote for a fine white woman.  This week’s ads show both candidates adding to their arsenals by embracing gender change as the key to winning the battle against terrorism and stuffy Republicans. 

“It’s not enough to say that America is a melting pot for all types of people,” said Senator Clinton puffing a cigar and blowing smoke from under the Hijab she was wearing. “A president must show that they are all things to all people.  Take this veil I’m wearing; it shows that I support Muslims and can solve problems related to them.  The cigar shows I quietly support the tobacco lobby and favor cancer research.  I’m going to have surgery and add man parts.  I may have my pigment darkened to lovely translucent beige to show that I’m all colors to all people.  I am America.  And I am and I will be all things necessary to support American freedom, quality healthcare and military prowess.  Vote for me damn it.”

Obama says Clinton is overwrought and mentally derailed.  “Hilary is a nice old gal,” said Senator Obama cleaning the wax from his ear with a Bic pen.  “But she’s past her prime and is easily confused.  I support all colors, genders, religions, pro-terror groups, anti-terror groups, whatever it takes.  And I back all kinds of change like sex and color and anything else that the folks may want.  But I’m not going overboard like Hilary.  I’m staying the same extremely intelligent cross-dressing black government official that I’ve always been.  I just want a promotion and a new job title.  Once I have that, all your dreams will come true.”

Obama’s ad, set to air in Iowa says he’s not running to get Washington power; he’s doing it for the folks.  The ad states: “It was because Barack Obama wants government to work for people.”  Clinton’s ad, set to air in New Hampshire says: “We will end this war. We will give health coverage to everyone. We will be energy independent.”

The Obama campaign considers the “change” rationale to be their turf and it’s clear that he is willing to make whatever move necessary to counter Clinton’s attempt for a foothold.  Jumping on the sex change bandwagon right behind her has both using a slightly new approach to sexual politics.  It remains to be seen whether they can generate the “traction” that they’re looking for, but the candidates’ actions have resulted in support from the Society for Extreme Xenophobes Engendering Truth (SEXET).

“Its high time politicians change sex and cultural backgrounds indiscriminately and support our flexible view of reality,” said Big Prince Deb Johnson, cultural attaché for SEXET.  “We’ve lived in obscurity under clouds of animosity and misunderstanding for years.  We represent the only group that Middle Eastern leaders like Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad understand clearly.  Of course Ahmadinejad says he wants us dead, but he says that to everyone.”

When asked his opinion of the Ad campaigns President Bush chuckled and then flew Australia to attend a meeting of the Asia-Pacific Economic organization.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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Bin Laden Announces U.S. Health Care Plan

Hopes to boost recruiting

Inebriated Press
September 7, 2007

Tired of hiding under a rock and receiving negative media exposure Osama Bin Laden has announced a new health care plan for Americans who sign up to become Islamofascist terrorists.  U.S. Democrats applauded the effort saying it’s about time that someone other than the Left care about the rising cost of health care.  Republicans oppose the plan saying that they think it might increase the threat of terrorism and slow Army recruitment efforts.  Bin Laden hopes the Republicans are right.

“I’ve grown tired of waiting for more attacks on the U.S. by Middle Eastern Islamofascist warriors that I’ve recruited and trained,” said Bin Laden swatting a lizard while peering out from under a stone in the Afghan mountains.  “Its time to step up recruitment of disenchanted Americans who lack quality health care at affordable prices.  I think I can get some traction with this and then ultimately introduce poison directly into hospitals and the U.S. healthcare system, god willing.”

Operatives at the CIA and FBI say they doubt many will sign up with Bin Laden in spite of the growing healthcare crisis in the country.  “We think he’s overreaching,” said CIA Agent Orange speaking Spanish through an interpreter.  “There are maybe a few gang bangers or dealers who’ll take him up on it because of his Afghan opium and other drug contacts and now his health care plan, but that’s about it.” 

The FBI is hopeful but less optimistic.  “The drug cartels from South America have a good supply network but they don’t offer health care,” said FBI Agent Retro Hoover an expert on drugs and cross dressing.  “This healthcare scheme can’t be dismissed out of hand.”

Republicans are considering a partnership with Argentine dictator Hugo Chavez to make health care programs available to American users through drug cartels based in South America, thereby creating competition for Bin Laden.  Democrats feel this is a bad approach and will only escalate an already troublesome situation.

“The Republicans are thinking of doing deals that provide druggies more health care from the pushers they currently use to offset new Bin Laden affiliated dealers,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi.  “How stupid is that?  What they should be doing is working to combine the new resources of Bin Laden and existing ones of Chavez and the Columbians to provide all Americans with affordable healthcare and less costly drugs of all kinds.  Instead of causing competitive chaos between drug dealing healthcare providers, we should be seeking unity and reconciliation.”

In other news, a PEW study reports that 98% of Americans will have difficulty differentiating between illegal drug dealing healthcare providers and legal drug dealing healthcare providers.   The study also said that most Americans believe lawmakers take dope and are dopes.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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