Google or Apple to Buy Wireless Spectrum

FCC to auction it off; where’s Bill Gates?

Inebriated Press
September 13, 2007

The Federal Communications Commission will auction the wireless spectrum to the highest bidders on January 16, 2008.  Sources tell Business Week that Steve Jobs has dibs on some of it for his iPhone and the Google Guys are eying a piece for their secretive gPhone project.  Absent from the future of wavelength control appears to be Bill Gates currently explaining why Vista will be fine and chasing Google by building server farms.  Will the future be driven without Microsoft?

Dubbed “beachfront property” by the Federal Communications Commission, it’s the last swathe of wireless spectrum likely to become available that would have the attributes necessary for a new mainstream broadband network.  Signals at the 700Mhz spectrum, for example, could provide far faster Internet access than today’s cellular or even Wi-Fi networks, and the signals can easily pass through walls, buildings and Britney Spears brain.  But not everyone agrees.

“I think it can pass through concrete but not Britney’s brain,” said Sci-Fi writer and brain expert Crain Eium.  “There is nothing currently known to humankind that can penetrate the fog that’s in there.  If there were, Britney wouldn’t have been wearing that outfit at the MTV Awards.”

Some experts think that Apple will buy at least some of the spectrum and be able to pipe signals of their own to iPods, iPhones and other devises.  Others believe that Google will buy some or all of it so they can offer Internet services piping users directly into Google’s servers and ultimately bundle server based app’s and gPhone devises.  If Microsoft has any plans they aren’t talking.

“I tried reaching Bill Gates about our offering,” said FCC Chairman Kevin Martin.  “His secretary told me that he was out to lunch.  I assume she meant he was eating someplace.”  Others aren’t so sure.

“Gates wanted PC’s on every desk and he has pretty much accomplished that,” said CNET executive Chuck Cooper turning a back flip.  “He’s lost his motivation and from what I hear he’s drunk and playing cards with Buffett in Omaha.”

A Microsoft spokesman disagreed with Cooper saying, “He’s not currently playing cards.”

© 2007

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