Strategy will take career to moon
September 17, 2007
Silicon Valley giant Google Inc. is teaming with Britney Spears on a commercial rocket launch to the moon funded with 30 million Google AdSense dollars. Britney Spears’s dazed performance on the MTV Video Music Awards in Las Vegas made her comeback effort look out of sync. But that’s all changed now that she and Google are going to the moon together.
Sporting a Google logo on her bare chest and wearing white shorts and a cowboy hat Spears talked about making changes and her new approach. “It’s about launching my career anew and changing my zip code,” said the pop singer over a Jack Daniels at breakfast this morning. “I read an article about zip codes affecting people’s weight so I’m going to the moon, losing weight and fixing a lot of other stuff that is wrong with my life. Like, right after the launch I’m having some guys neuter K-Fed. I’ve said the guy’s got no balls. Well, when I’m back from the moon, my words will be statement of fact.” Not everyone is sure the move is right for Britney or Google.
“Britney needs to face her problems and not run away from them,” said Doctor Phil a noted psychologist and a guy who wears shorts too small for him. “I know that a University of Washington study found that property values and zip codes can affect obesity more than educational level. But going to the moon on the Google deal won’t change the fact that Britney married a moron and had two kids with him. And I have no clue what Google’s Sergey Brin is getting from this emotionally.”
Spears doesn’t care what Doctor Phil thinks. “I won’t listen to my own advisors, why would I listen to Phil,” asked Britney eating a small calf and washing it down with a can of Hershey’s syrup. “I know what I can do and that’s go into space like Buzz Aldrin. Come to think about it, I’m having kind of a buzz and I feel a bit spacey right now. Shit I bet I’m half way there! Look up, see, I’m waving!”
According to NASA the goals of Google and Spears mesh well. Google’s plan is to land a privately funded robotic rover on the Moon that is capable of completing several mission objectives, like driving around and relaying video images back to Earth. Britney’s first studio album in four years is scheduled for release on Nov. 13 and the music industry has wondered whether her career would recover. NASA says the partnership puts Spears career back on track.
“Once Britney’s riding that dune buggy on the moon people will forget she wandered around onstage at the MTV Awards,” said NASA Administrator Michael Griffin sporting a tattoo of Spears’s left breast on his forehead. “I still think she’s hot and once the world see’s her nude in the clear plastic space suit with the Google logo on her chest and spinning donuts with the space buggy, they’re going be after her CD’s like gangbusters. I just wish she’d have come to NASA first. What’s Brin got that I don’t have, except maybe a few mil.”
In other news, Osama bin Laden says he thinks Britney is “a real babe” and likes to imagine her naked but wearing a veil. He also said that except for the lizards and biting flies that hiding under a rock for the last four years has been no big deal.
© 2007 InebriatedPress.com