New High Speed Viagra Screws Time

Bayer-Pfizer product comes on hard and fast in 2 seconds or less

Inebriated Press
September 24, 2007

In the battle of the sexes a new weapon has emerged and it’s being tweaked for speed and efficiency.  Guys who can’t wait around when opportunity knocks are snapping up a new Bayer-Pfizer Viagra product the way Rosie O’Donnell scarf’s up flapjacks at IHOP.  The new pharmaceutical is the result of a joint venture and called “Flintstone E-Vitamin Enhanced Release-Viagra” (FEVER-V).

Werner Wenning, CEO for Bayer, maker of Flintstone Vitamins, was sick of waiting fifteen to twenty minutes for regular Viagra to work, and tired of twiddling his fingers and things while it took from five to ten minutes for PT-141 nasal product to kick in.  So he formed a venture with Pfizer, maker of Viagra, and created the new injectable Flintstone-Viagra vitamin product that takes two seconds from injection to full potency.  And as an added bonus he boosted it with extra Flintstone vitamin C so it also helps resist colds and herpes.

“I’ve been dating all my life and I’m not one for wasting time when things get going,” said Wenning flipping the pages of a Penthouse Drug and Ammo catalogue.  “With this high-speed injectable system all a guy has to do is slam the needle end of the FEVER-V cartridge into his thigh and in seconds his leg and other stuff stars swelling up like crazy.  Sure it hurts like hell and you walk with a limp for a couple of days, but other than that the side effects are minimal and you can get right down to business.” 

Not everyone thinks it’s safe or healthy.  “Some of our players have used this stuff and it’s been devastating,” said NFL physician and trumpet player Louie Armstrong.  “Guys come in limping with their legs all jabbed up, parts swollen and barely able to walk.  They seem to think it’s worth it, but I’m an old school kind of guy.  If you can’t get it up, tough shit.  Take a salt tablet and go pump iron.”

Barack Obama says if he’s elected president he’ll make sure FEVER-V is distributed free with any health care plan that his administration develops.  Former president Bill Clinton said he is in favor of including it in Hillary’s health care plan and feels FEVER-V should be distributed to Congressional leaders when Interns are assigned. 

In other news, Hillary Clinton has scheduled Bill Clinton’s neutering for this coming Wednesday and Congressional Interns are invited.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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