Pounds drop away “like crazy”
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
September 26, 2007
A new diet sensation is sweeping across America and into trendy eateries and diet clinics everywhere. It’s called the Pork Liver Diet and it’s the latest chic approach to weight loss. The diet’s combination of simplicity and effectiveness is giving every appearance that this plan may be more than only a passing trend, and may result in true life style change. Dieters have reported losing ten to fifty pounds in mere days. But some experts are urging caution.
“Eating nothing but pork liver for every meal just isn’t right,” said weight loss guru Jennie Craig, sucking a frozen entree of peas and squash. “These people are going to be dropping dead from malnutrition or arrested for taste bud abuse.”
But not all experts agree with Craig. “You can lose flab really fast by eating only liver,” said Richard Simmons, a diet expert and well known asexual. “In fact I’d use it myself if it weren’t for the Deal-A-Meal plan that I invented that’s so much better.”
The ease of the Pork Liver Diet is part of what makes it appealing to users. A dieter only needs to buy one product when shopping and then cook it in a microwave for a few minutes and eat it. Most dieters hate the taste or get sick of it in just a few days, so they barely eat anything after that. “After just one meal I stopped eating altogether,” said Calista Flockhart, star of Ally McBeal and formerly an overweight lard eater. “All I can say is that the liver diet sure worked for me.”
a la Mod Body, Inc. has endorsed the Pork Liver Diet and says their models eat nothing but liver for every meal. Paper Doll Magazine recently published a backgrounder on the company that featured its Antonia Ghazlan green silk and lace knickers. Reportedly it was liver that made the knickers possible. “Pork liver will save women’s fashion and knickers in particular, by controlling the size of our asses,” wrote Susan Rohr the Founder of a la Mod Body, and well known knicker and liver aficionado. “If not for pigs livers the fashionable green knicker running from $40-$90 and available on our website at http://alamodbody.com/, would languish in obscurity rather than gracing the tender bottoms of chic’s everywhere.”
In other news, Mamma Cass is still dead but could be making music and wearing a la Mod Body knickers today, if only she’d known about the Pork Liver Diet.
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