Fear of socks and nukes ramping in U.S.
September 27, 2007
Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad declared yesterday that his country would answer only to international inspectors, not the United Nations Security Council, in the dispute over its nuclear ambitions. And the U.S. Committee for the Implementation of Textile Agreements has until late November to decide whether to put pre-CAFTA level tariffs back on all Honduran sock imports for three years. Tension is mounting in the U.S. and Middle East over potential attacks by terrorists using Iranian developed nuclear devises and risky Honduran socks.
“Uncontrolled sock imports from Honduras and uncontrolled Iranian nuclear ambitions are threatening the U.S. and there’s no time to waste sitting around debating action any longer,” said an unnamed source from under a box outside of the United Nations building. “It’s time the Israelis bomb Honduran sock factories and the Brazilians blast Iranian nuclear plants. Implemented quickly I think the strategy will catch both countries with their pants down.”
Iran’s Ahmadinejad has protested U.S. efforts to gain global support to slow his nuclear ambitions and called the U.N. Security Council an “ineffective tool” of “arrogant powers”. He said that he’d prefer that incompetent international inspectors visit Iran’s nuclear operations and that he’d be sure to “show them a good time”. The U.S. says Ahmadinejad is deluded.
“He’s kidding himself and Columbia University if he thinks that we’re going to let him do whatever he wants with nukes,” said U.S. Secretary of State Condi Rice, sticking pins in a small doll that looked like Iran’s president. “The Bush administration has successfully stood up to Senator’s Hillary Clinton and Nancy Pelosi and this Ahmadinejad character isn’t as tough as they are.”
Pelosi disagrees with the Bush administration’s approach to Iran and in an unusual moment of candor said so. “I’m more worried about Honduran socks than Iranian nukes,” said Pelosi turning her shoes and a nearby chicken inside out. “If I get hit with a nuke I’m dead and nothing matters. If we let Honduras take over the sock market my feet will never feel comfortable and that could bug me for years.”
In other news, recent studies indicate that studies are inaccurate and cannot be relied on. And many news reports are simply made up and editors prefer it that way.
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