Couple caught cuddling in condo
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
September 27, 2007
TMZ reports from deep underground that Paris Hilton and Jay Leno were discovered massaging each others hips in a Hot Springs, Arkansas condominium last week. Paparazzi using Soviet style night vision goggles and armed with AK-47’s flushed the couple out onto the balcony by using guerrilla tactics involving stink bombs and licorice whips. Reportedly Leno was wearing only a mustache and Hilton was clothed with a tattoo of Toto, a well known dog from Kansas. Leno spokesman and part-time singer Huey Lewis denied the report saying that Leno stopped renting mustache’s in the late ’90’s. Hilton’s publicist, Nicole Ritchie also denied the report saying that Paris is a city in France. Media pundits and some famous people are debating the validity of the report.
“TMZ makes up half the stuff they report,” said Britney Spears in an interview at a dance club where she was said to be searching for misplaced underwear. “You can’t believe a single thing they report, especially about me.”
But some people think TMZ has it called right. “Leno and Hilton are going at it, that’s for sure,” said Doctor Phibes AKA Vincent Price, a well known actor who died in the early ’90’s. “Before returning from the dead I used to read a lot of celebrity news in tabloids. I think TMZ is probably as accurate as any of them. I sure liked the Britney pic’s. That’s one of the reasons I came back.”
Reporting on celebrities caught in the act of doing naughty stuff is a time honored tradition in many Western nations and TMZ has been making the most of real and imagined celebrity scandals. “Heck if it weren’t for out of work National Enquirer writers and Photoshop software we wouldn’t even have a business,” said Alan Citron, TMZ’s general manager. “That and a gullible public of course. Don’t want to leave the folks out! I learned my core management philosophy from Barnum and Bailey.” Then laughing hysterically, he added, “On the other hand everything we report is strictly factual. You could call us the Wall Street Journal of celebrity facts and figures.”
In other news, Paris Hilton says Jay Leno’s hips are too old for her to massage, and Leno says he wouldn’t hire Hilton as a hooker.
© 2007 InebriatedPress.com