Spotted and tracked from NYC subway
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
October 1, 2007
The Legendary Big Foot, A.K.A. Sasquatch, whose exploits and appearances have amazed and terrified citizens throughout the Western U.S. was found riding the New York City (NYC) subway on the way to work at the Wall Street Journal. Investigative reporter and part time actress Sally Field tracked him to a cubical at his office and conducted a startlingly frank interview.
“I learned some pretty amazing shit,” said Ms. Field, a well known mom capable of instantly ending wars around the world whenever she feels like it. “The Sasquatch is one of the new employees that Murdoch brought on board to run the Wall Street Journal (WSJ) after he bought it. He used to live in Washington State but said all the environmentalists were roaming the woods and messing up his habitat. He told me that one day he thought to himself, ‘screw this’, and he applied for a job as senior editor at the Journal and got hired.”
Rupert Murdoch’s News Corp. sealed a $5 billion agreement to purchase the publisher of The Wall Street Journal in August and as part of the agreement said he would make only minor changes at the paper. Thus far he has been true to his word and has made Homer Simpson publisher and now Tommy Lee the Sasquatch, senior editor. Other than giving Hooters coupons with new subscriptions and frequent editorials that mention the words “combustion” and “horticulture” there has been little change. Fields says Lee the Sasquatch is looking forward to bringing a new perspective to the paper.
“Tommy Lee says that he wants the paper to contain more economic minutia and include Olympic Mountain rainfall data so that Americans can better understand minutia and rain,” said Field waxing her lip, then waxing lyrical and then waxing the floor. “I would never have guessed that Murdoch would bring in a classically trained economist and moisture expert like this Sasquatch, but that’s what he did and I think the paper will be all the better for it.”
In other news; last night it rained an inch on Hurricane Ridge in Washington State and it rained good economic news on the White House in Washington D.C.
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