Apple Whacks iPhone Hacks

New fix fixes fixers

Inebriated Press
October 3, 2007

Apple issued a software update that creates trouble for some iPhones modified to work with non-AT&T cellular carriers and disables unofficial programs installed on other iPhone handsets.  Some iPhone owners say Apple is screwing with a product that they paid for.  Apple says that they can screw with any product they create whenever they want.  Who is screwing whom?  All we know for sure is that Pam Anderson and Rick Salomon took out a marriage license over the weekend, so they’re probably up to something. 

Apple warned last week that the iPhone update, which adds iTunes Wi-Fi Music, could permanently disable phones that aren’t hooked to AT&T exclusively.  And Access Hollywood says former Baywatch star Anderson has signed up for her third marriage.  Can users keep iPhones hooked up and can Pam Anderson’s new marriage stay connected?  Critics are debating like crazy.

“Apple can’t knock out users who have paid the company to purchase a device that is now theirs,” said Jumbo John Johnson an iPhone user of size and substance.  “And Pam is too much woman for any one guy so this marriage can’t stay hitched no matter what the terms of the deal are.  Neither Apple or Anderson can be locked into situations that they can’t get out of eventually.” 

But Angel Heather Asbestos thinks that a contract is a contract and a deal is a deal.  “Apple holds legal rights to the iPhone system and Pam and Rick have legal documentation backing up their arrangement,” said Asbestos rubbing a pear against her forehead.  “Proprietary rights are held by all the parties and shouldn’t be broken.  Never mind that Apple changes their mind when the feel like it and so does Pam.”

Some hackers say Apple is using scare tactics but Apple says they’re “not proactively” trying to make hacked phones useless.  “We’re just doing whatever we want,” said Apple CEO Steve Jobs rubbing a picture of Pam Anderson with both hands.  “And at Apple we’re creative enough to do that.”

Pam Anderson isn’t worried about Apple’s approach.  “What do I care,” said Anderson jiggling a foot to the left.  “I have other fish to fry.”

In other news, the U.S. called Iran’s terrorist guards terrorists and the world is appalled by both the language and the designation.  Said Russian president and former KGB chief Putin, “I don’t know what the U.S. is talking about, these terrorists seem like my kind of guys.”

© 2007

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