Iranian President Parties in New Orleans

Radioactive mutant running the country

Inebriated Press
October 3, 2007

In a surprising media conference held today at the New Orleans Hooters, Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said that he’d been locked out of Iran for over a year and that a radioactive mutant clone was running the country and pretending to be him. 

According to the Ahmadinejad in Hooters he was tired and bored in January of 2006 and decided he wanted a break.  He temporarily placed an experimental nuclear-powered clone in his place and was smuggled into the U.S. through Mexico.  During the smuggling operation he claimed to be Hugo Gonzalez and said that he wanted to pick melons.  Following the summer melon harvest he went to New Orleans to party.  No one knew he was in the country and living in Louisiana as Gonzalez until today. 

“I’ve been hanging out in the French Quarter drinking and eating Cajun and basically having one hell of a good time,” said Ahmadinejad giving himself a wedgie just for the fun of it.  “I’ve only been kidding about the nuclear power and stuff.  You know the deal, you’re a crazed dictator; you have to do wacky shit like that.  I wanted to return to Iran this summer and tone things down but they won’t let me in.  This clone has really taken over the country.  I’m not sure you can trust the guy.”  But U.S. State Department officials aren’t convinced that the man at Hooters really is the Iranian president.

Speaking to reporters after the news conference in the ladies room at the Holiday Inn Express, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said that she had doubts.  “The Iranians do some pretty crazy things but I’m not sure that their president posing as an illegal Mexican immigrant is one of them.  But, on the other hand the stuff about the radioactive mutant running the country does ring true.”

At the hastily arranged media conference Ahmadinejad said that when Iran’s spiritual leader, Ayatollah Ali Khamenei learned he had attended Mardi Gras this spring and was living with two hookers, he blocked his entry into Iran and then gave the radioactive mutant clone full control of the country.  “I’m not sure how to get back in,” said Ahmadinejad massaging the inner thigh of a stripper sitting next to him.  “After the speeches that my whacked out clone gave in New York last week I thought I’d better come forward.  I don’t want anyone thinking that an Iranian leader is really that crazy.  I’m hoping the U.S. can help me or maybe the Israeli’s.”

In other news, Hooters is offering a new Sunday Pot Roast Sandwich as part of their new Football Menu.  Anyone pretending to be an Iranian president can get 10% off the regular price but only when the Patriots are playing.

© 2007

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