U.S. and Ukraine Buy “don’t worry, be happy” Line

West settles with North Korea and Russia
Finally some things are fixed for good

Inebriated Press
October 5, 2007

Russia said they reached a gas payment deal with the Ukraine this week and the United States hailed an agreement for North Korea to disable its main nuclear reactor complex.  Europeans had been worried about the Ukraine-Russian gas dispute because Russia occasionally cuts off gas going through a pipeline to the Ukraine which also supplies parts of Europe.  Russia says the Ukraine has agreed to pay a gas debt of $1.3 billion even though the Ukraine says they don’t really owe it.  And the U.S. is happy with North Korea’s claim that they’ll shut down a nuclear reactor since the U.S. has started shipping them millions of dollars worth of fuel and other things.  $25 million worth of fuel oil was delivered by the U.S. to North Korea this week.  These sort of deals have been made before and the West has ended up screwed as the takers have broken their promises to the givers.  But things look fine this time.  If you believe that you’ll also what to know that all the problems in the Middle East will be fixed next week and we’re all taking the winter off to do nothing but drink hot chocolate and suck cinnamon sticks.

“Russia is done shaking down the Ukraine for a while, I’m sure of it,” said Tom Jones, an expert in Russian culture and a part time pop singer.  “They’ll probably not do it again until later this winter.  I suppose they’ll be back whacking them and frightening Europe.  It’s not the money really; it’s Russia’s way of being relevant.  It’s the same with the North Koreans.  Putin and the jump suit nut in North Korea are peas in the same pod.”  Not everyone agrees.

Speaking to the Dictators for Life Club in Beverly Hills, U.S. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi discussed Russia and North Korea.  “Putin and The Korean Guy are just swell,” said Pelosi eating a Danish and washing it down with a quart of Vodka.  “I just love the Korean jump suits and Vladimir’s way of slapping other countries around.  I’d like to have a pink jump suit and some Red power myself some day.  I’m not really the dictator type, more of a Socialist Totalitarian; but don’t quote me on that without good pictures.”

North Korea caved in to the demands of the West and made a promise to change their nuclear ways after grudgingly accepting millions in cash and prizes from the U.S.; and Russia caved in to the demands of the Ukraine and promised to sell them more gas after grudgingly agreeing to accept billions of dollars from the Ukraine for gas that they didn’t buy.  Some say this proves that Russian and North Korean leaders can be trusted and others say it proves that the West is so gullible that most grade school children could beat us in negotiations.

In other news, Halloween is coming and Kim Jong-il and Vladimir Putin plan to get into the spirit of things by yelling “trick or treat” prior to upcoming shake downs for more candy and money.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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