U.S. Imports News Control Technique From China

Dem’s adapt approach as “healthy vision”

Inebriated Press
October 9, 2007

The official news out of China is going to be just that: official news as approved by the Chinese government.  Following a July report on cardboard pork buns, China declared that the story was fabricated and not the pork, and then locked up the reporter for “infringing the reputation of a commodity”.  Media outlets were ordered to stop investigative reporting and the government dispatched teams of academics and officials to lecture news editors and executives on the dangers of telling stories that may cause public anxiety and tarnish China’s image.  But some see the demise of the Chinese free press a model to be emulated.

“Here in the U.S. my Party has pretty much taken control of the major media so things aren’t too bad,” said U.S. Speaker of the House and Democrat Nancy Pelosi.  “But we still have yet to gain control of Fox News and a few radio talk shows that keep telling people the other side of our political plans.  That’s very irritating.  We’ve tried introducing bills in Congress to give us more control but we keep getting stopped, and there’s only so much that PBS can do.  Chinese officials have it a lot better than us.  I sure wish I had the control they have.  Maybe after next falls elections I can lock that up.  It’s a practical way to improve governance and the perception of politics and power in America.”

Not everyone is comfortable with government media control in China or of the left wing Democrats growing control in the U.S.  “The New York Times makes up articles; CNN reprints data directly from left wing blogs and Dan Rather uses news that puts philosophy over facts.  I’m not so sure we have much over the Chinese right now,” said XYZ, a historian and media expert so disgusted by reality that he stopped using a real name.  “Hopefully Al Gore, the inventor of the Internet, will be able to rectify the problem by inventing truth in reporting.  I don’t honestly see it happening though.  He can’t find his own socks, let alone a fact.”

Japan’s Asahi Shimbun reports that top on the list of taboo subjects for the Chinese press is questioning the legitimacy of one-party rule.  Additional issues include speculating about personnel reshuffling in the government, reporting on military spending and operations, and coverage on the personal and business activities of political leaders.  That’s the same list of stuff that Pelosi, Kennedy, Clinton, Reid and other Dem’s are using and want to keep from Americans.  But keeping it from Americans, just like the Chinese, is ultimately for our own good.

“American’s are too busy working and raising families and worrying about health care to get bogged down in policy and taxation issues,” said Pelosi picking the pocket of a small businessman walking past her.  “Citizens need to put their trust in the honorable officials of my party and allow us to properly manage government and policy.  We’ll take care of them and give them free health care and retirement plans and end wars and bring a better and brighter future to all.  If Americans would only put their trust in Hillary, Harry Reid and me we could fix everything.  All we really need is control of the federal government and the ability to reallocate all American’s personal finances.  Why would anyone be uncomfortable with that?”

In other news, China has declared the country “perfect”, and Nancy Pelosi thinks she is too.  Both declarations are supported as “completely accurate” by an exhaustive New York Times survey of New York Times staff, with only janitors abstaining.

© 2007 Inebriated Press

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