Audience can’t tell which one is alive
Inebriated Press /Tabloid Division
October 11, 2007
In an entertainment scheduling coup the late great Elvis Presley made an appearance on CNN’s Larry King Live. Presley sat in a chair across from King last night and looked tan and fit but didn’t move or speak. King was able to move a little but looked pale and gaunt. Despite what appeared to be a programming victory of unimaginable proportions, the program fell flat. Elvis did nothing and Larry dozed off. The audience became restless and started removing the seats and eating the stuffing. Still, some attendees had a good time.
“I was hoping Elvis might swing his pelvis or at least move,” said the Geico lizard who was in the audience. “I’m a big Elvis fan even though he’s been dead for years, and I skipped shooting a commercial with a cute blonde for this. I’m a blonde fan too and when King started snoring and I began to think Elvis was stuffed, I became disenchanted. I did enjoy eating my seat cushion though.”
Some were actually happy with the King program. “I liked it and never mind that Elvis didn’t look alive and King looked dead,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, slapping a nearby bomb defusing expert for being too conservative. “I’ve been working with Harry Reid these last few years and both King and The King looked good to me.”
CNN’s ratings have been falling hard over the last several months, largely because of their fake news stories and tendency to accept and report unquestioned anything that the far left purports as news. Lately they’ve tried digging up dead actors and politicians and tying them in chairs with rope and then conducting “interviews”. They say it’s actually been working pretty well.
“For a while we had to tie smart people into chairs with ropes to get them to stay and interview for us,” said a CNN executive producer who refused to let us use his name. “But they kept squirming away. Then it became hard to keep the stupid ones even when they weren’t very lucid. So we started using straw stuffed dummies and dead people. Not much different than what we’d had before actually, and a lot easier to talk to.”
In other news, Fox News reports that Elvis is still dead and Larry King and CNN are both suspect.
© 2007 Inebriated Press