Pelosi: Time to Piss off Middle Eastern Allies

Democrats say they’re in power and will anger the Turks if they want to

Inebriated Press
October 15, 2007

The Democrat led U.S. House of Representatives has decided to move ahead with a resolution that calls World War I era killings in Turkey genocide.  Wary of the risk to the few stable relations the U.S. has in the Middle East, both Democrat and Republican administrations since the early 1900’s never seriously considered a resolution like the one currently being pushed by House Democrats.  But today’s Democrats place no stock in past wisdom or recent polls that say American’s disapprove of what Congress is doing even more than they disapprove of the current administration.  So the House is pressing forward regardless of the risks.

“It’s time to speak out against things that happened over 90 years ago no matter how much trouble it creates for the U.S. today or how much comfort we give Islamofascist terrorists in the Middle East,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi, as she sat jabbing a sleeping Doberman for no reason.  “And never mind that we Democrats have no plan for the Middle East other than to say we should leave.  We’re the Party that controls U.S. Congress and we’ll do whatever we want.  I’m a Californian and I represent Berkeley and damn it, we never let common sense get in our way.”

In 1915 a calamity historian’s call the “Armenian Genocide” took place.  A group referred to as the “Young Turks” ruled the Ottoman Empire – part of which is the country of Turkey today – from 1915 to 1917 and conducted a forcible deportation and massacre of hundreds of thousands of Armenians.  Western sources say it was a plan by those Islamic Turkish rulers to eliminate the Armenians and over the years twenty-two countries officially recognized it as genocide.

President Bush has expressed on behalf of the American people our horror at the tragedy of 1915, but at the same time said the U.S. has national security concerns and would prefer not to raise old issues, since many of our troops and supplies go through Turkey today.  “I know that Pelosi and the Democrats feel bad about things that happened almost a hundred years ago and want to make things so hard for me today that I pull all of our troops out of the Middle East and let Iran take over,” said the President chewing a nail and spitting it in the direction of Congress.  “But just because the Democrats are in position to do dumb shit doesn’t mean that they have too.”

The Government of Turkey would prefer the U.S. not dig up old wounds and in the wake of the committee vote, Turkey recalled its ambassador in Washington for consultations, a traditional method of diplomatic protest.

In a related story, Edward Kennedy is considering a new Senate resolution to condemn the Germans for bad behavior during World War II just to see if he can get a rise out of them and Hillary Clinton may introduce a resolution condemning Japan for bad things they did during World War II just to see what happens.  Additional resolutions currently under Democrat consideration include condemnation of the Gaul’s, the Roman Empire the Celts and Napoleon.  Some consideration is also being given to condemning the United States itself for not paying more for the Louisiana Purchase and for the purchase of Alaska.  A National Day of All-American Guilt is under consideration, and psychiatrists fear that Apophenia is rampant.

In other news, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid and Democratic National Committee Chairman Howard Dean met today and discussed whether to officially change the name of the Democrat Farmer Labor Party (DFL) to the Socialist Trending Union for Pro-Islamofascist Determinism (STUPID).

© 2007

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