Hillary Does Iowa; U.S. Up Next

Promotes dental care plan like Brits have

Inebriated Press
October 16, 2007

Stumping for the Democratic nomination for president, Senator Hillary Clinton trekked across the State of Iowa this week chomping on pork sandwiches and ear corn, two staples of Iowa food.  Scraping a tooth with a toothpick and flicking it into the crowd she said she hoped to bring the same high quality dental care to Iowa that the British enjoy today.

“Sure a lot of the British have started pulling their own teeth because they can’t find or afford a dentist,” said Clinton throwing a conservative farmer on a nearby barbeque.  “But that kind of efficiency enables them to focus on memorials to Diana and ignore the plunging cancer death rate in the U.S.  It’s time that the U.S. begins catching up with global health care programs and death rates and my platform can do that.”

Critics of the Clinton healthcare plan cite the billions of new taxes it will require to accomplish the level of failure that other nation’s health care plans are known for.  They also cite the number of people from other countries who come to the U.S. for top notch health care and a recent study that shows U.S. death rates from cancer are falling faster than anywhere else in the world.  But Clinton’s backers argue that the Clinton plan is what Americans really need.

“Hillary knows better than U.S. doctors and healthcare experts about how to manage the healthcare industry and what kind of care each of us really needs,” said Carlos Garbonza director of Americans for Something Else.  “She just does.”  Everyone who matters agrees.

The New York Times reports that all major Hollywood stars and film executives as well as most major media executives and reporters all believe that Senator Clinton is best suited to be president.  “She’s what we need to get America back on the fast track to something else,” said noted conservative and scholar Al Franken.  “I’d be willing to bet my wisdom teeth that she can do it, if I had any.”

In other news, Senator Barack Obama says he can get something else done faster than Hillary and nine out of ten dentists chew gum but won’t admit it.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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