iPhone, Greenpeace and politician all selling risky stuff
October 17, 2007
Greenpeace slammed the Apple iPhone this week saying that it contains materials they use on their ships but would never consider using in a telephone, and that the company should give them a huge donation to assuage their guilt. Apple says that they are proud to produce iPhones containing PVC (polyvinyl chloride) because it is manufactured by poor Chinese who need the cash to purchase pirated Windows products. Apple CEO Steve Jobs and Greenpeace Executive Director John Passacantando will determine who’s the bigger ass by wrestling each other in a “best out of three” match on Pay Per View. Al Gore has agreed to host and referee.
“Making all things like iPhones and Greenpeace ships “green” is critical to the survival of the planet both now and in the future,” said Al Gore a former politician and recent winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for knowing when to make a joke. “Almost one half of dangerous green house gases come from Greenpeace and Apple and the rest is from cows and Microsoft. We must find ways to expand my personal legacy by giving me more opportunities to produce concerts, movies and other events. It’s critical to life as you know it.”
Gore is partnering with the World Wrestling Federation (WWF) and will produce the Steve Jobs – John Passacantando “smack down” and will use the proceeds to fund a Britney Spears concert to raise greenhouse gas awareness. Gore is popular among greenhouse gas worriers for his concert called “Live Earth” and his movie “An Inconvenient Truth”. They think the Apple-Greenpeace smackdown should be called “Green-Apple Gas-Awareness for Global Operators Real Encouragement” (GAGA4GORE).
Not everyone is buying what Gore is selling even if Apple and Greenpeace are inadvertently destroying the planet. “From a technical standpoint Gore is wrong on all points,” said William Gray, one of the world’s foremost meteorologists. “The human impact on the atmosphere is simply too small to have a major effect on global temperatures. Gore is brainwashing our children.”
But Gore disagrees. “I remember waking up from a nap when I was 27 years old after my folks sang me the Union Label song, and I knew then that I had to invent the Internet and stop global warming by preventing green house gases from iPhones and Apple. I got distracted a little when I was a Congressman and put it off for a while, but now I’m back on the job and will save this planet from people who disagree with me. It’s the least I can do for all the money I got somehow from someplace.”
Steve Jobs says he can beat the Greenpeace executive by using a half-nelson and two metal folding chairs. Passacantando says Jobs has no chance in the match because whales root for Greenpeace. “No company named for a fruit will beat a guy with the support of fish and whales,” said Passacantando. “I am one with nature and old ships.”
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