OJ Simpson Betrayed by Russian President

Putin to testify against Simpson

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
October 18, 2007

Russian President Vladimir Putin said this week that he would testify against O.J. Simpson in his armed-robbery case.  Simpson said no guns were used during his attempt to retrieve sports memorabilia from a hotel room in Las Vegas but Putin said he loaned Simpson an AK-47 specifically for the hotel meeting and showed him how to use it.  Observers say there could be an interesting trial ahead.

Simpson, 60, was arrested last month in connection with the alleged armed robbery of sports memorabilia, including many items the NFL hall-of-famer and onetime murder defendant said were his own property.  Putin, 55, who was photographed earlier this summer showing off his muscular torso while on a hunting trip to Siberia, confirmed that he would testify shirtless against Simpson and plans to fire an AK-47 into a wall to prove he can. 

“I showed OJ how to fire this thing and told him to shoot on sight like I would,” said Putin in an interview during which he swallowed several birds and a mouse.  “He wanted to know how to deal with people like I do the Ukraine so I showed him.  The weasel didn’t shoot like I told him and so he got caught.  Serves him right.  You bet I’ll testify.”

But Simpson says he remembers things differently.  “I showed him how to choke people with his hands while wearing only tight black driving gloves and he seemed real impressed,” said Simpson licking the back of his leg.  “We didn’t do anything with guns; I already know about guns and would rather use my bare hands.  He knows this.  Why is everyone against me?”

Earlier this week, Charles Cashmore, a co-defendant agreed to testify against Simpson and four others charged with armed robbery of a sports memorabilia dealer in Las Vegas, according to court officials.  And commentators were both amused and intrigued at the heroic light thrown on Russian President Vladimir Putin when he defied what he said was an attempt by Simpson to make him wear a shirt when they met earlier this year.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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