Penthouse and Playboy vie for deal
Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
October 19, 2007
In an effort to ramp up positive press during the closing days of the U.S. presidential campaign Senator and presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton plans a nude pictorial in either Penthouse or Playboy magazine during summer 2008. Buoyed by strong interest and additional donations from the sale of her shower pictures on the Internet by hubby and former president Bill Clinton, Hillary decided to use the strategy in the closing days of her campaign. The decision has heightened debate on the use of gorilla tactics during presidential campaigns and some question whether it’s tasteful.
“The fact that electoral candidates would pose nude to gain interest and votes is becoming too common and degrades the civil nature of politics,” said Lou Dobbs a CNN anchor and talking head who is pissed off about a lot of stuff these days. “Now that everyone knows Hillary plans to pose nude for the highest bidder, Obama is going to be up to something equally disgusting. It’s going to result in a nudity escalation with each politician one-upping the other in an effort to get more exposure. And no I’m not sorry for the pun.”
Insiders say Hillary has been working out with Jane Fonda as bids from the two porn magazines roll in and negotiations continue on when and where the photo shoot will take place. Rumors have begun circulating in the Republican camp that Rudy Giuliani and Mitt Romney have started exercising in case they need to make a “buff appearance” in the waning days of the campaign.
“Bill Clinton sold pictures he took of Hillary in the shower for $50 so he’d have some beer money, and the website that bought them ended up with millions of hits,” said Lucky McGee a political strategist and part time Bingo caller. “It’s working for Russian president Vladimer Putin in his plan to transfer power to the Prime Minister role and then running for that office. This past summer Putin was fishing in Siberia with his shirt off and his ratings spiked in the poles. In August 2006 when the Museum of Sex unveiled a shirtless bust of Hillary her numbers when up 20 points. This naked candidate stuff works.”
Former president Bill Clinton isn’t surprised by what’s happening. “It was just a matter of time until people realize that I’m one shrewd politician,” said Clinton smoking a joint but not inhaling. “All the sleeping around I did while governor of Arkansas and then as president. The interns I banged and the wives of mayors. Every time word leaked out about what I was doing my poll numbers went up. How do you think I got all the soccer mom’s to vote for me? Heck I slept with most of them.”
In other news, nudity and presidential politics will be debated on a new edition of Crossfire a CNN program derailed by Jon Stewart in 2005. Stewart will host the 2007 program and the debaters will be Jimmy Carter who is pro-nudity and Howard Stern who will represent the anti-nudity position. Free beer will be provided to the studio audience and cats will be chased across the stage periodically just so the action will never slow down.
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