Hatred of the U.S. and love of bubble gum unites them
October 19, 2007
Russian President Vladimir Putin kicked Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad playfully in the groin this week as the two hammed it up for cameras in Tehran. Laughing hysterically, and before falling down, Ahmadinejad gave Putin a weggie by stretching his underwear all the way up and over his head. The two rolled around on the ground chuckling and hugging until eventually they calmed down and started going through each others pockets looking for condoms and bubble gum. United by hatred of the West and the desire to expand their own totalitarian power across the globe, the two happily made nice and Ahmadinejad ignored Putin’s atheism while Putin ignored Ahmadinejad’s god complex.
“We will never use military force in the Middle East like the U.S. has,” chortled Putin, forgetting the Afghan war and the intel his KGB provided the Soviet Army during that time. “And the new bomber patrols we currently fly daily on our border with Europe and the missiles we are pointing at them are merely exercises designed to keep an eye on global warming. I am an environmentalist like Al Gore and I like Islamofascist dictators who buy my weapons systems and hate Americans. What can I say; I’m a guy who likes people who hates what I hate.”
In August of this year Russia relaunched long-range strategic bomber patrols that hadn’t operated since the Cold War and Putin has been passing his time threatening the Ukraine’s oil supply, the U.S. plan for missile defense, and encouraging Iranian purchase of Russian nuclear material. Iran has enjoyed the growing relationship as they continue to fund Hamas in Lebanon and al Qaeda and other insurgent groups in Iraq while expanding their nuclear program.
“We’re like peas in a pod,” said a smiling Ahmadinejad putting a Russian copy of PlayStud Magazine in his back pocket; an autographed gift from Putin. “We are buddies who have a very similar world view. Of course once the U.S. is crushed and the Soviet Empire reestablished, the Islamic world will have to kill all of those who are infidels and take over, so I’ll miss Putin after I murder him.” Sighing he added, “But, that’s just the way things go sometimes. God willing.”
Reuters quoted state television reporting that Putin had asked for “deeper” ties with Iran; weapons sales and a commercial aircraft deal were also high on the Russian agenda. Putin received a red carpet welcome in Tehran, meeting with both Ahmadinejad and supreme religious leader Ayatollah Sayyed Ali Khamenei – rare for any non-Muslim leader.
In a joint statement, the two presidents noted the “closeness” of their positions “over key world questions,” and the “necessity of solving as quickly as possible the situation over the Iranian nuclear program through politics and diplomacy.”
“We’ve decided it’s time we coordinate our lies and deception” they said in the statement that was accompanied by photo’s of the two with their hands on each others asses. “By the grace of god and the former soviet state, it’s fallen to us to set the agenda for the next world order, and by golly we’re up to it.”
In related news, U.S. Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate Leader Harry Reid expressed “deep sorrow” for not having been invited to the Putin-Ahmadinejad meeting where punch and party hats were in abundance. The two tried to make up for it by rolling on the ground hugging and picking each others pockets. Said Pelosi, “I can do shit just as crazy as those guys can. Why wasn’t I invited to the party.”
© 2007 InebriatedPress.com