Barrels of cheese and sacks of powdered corn used in trickery
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
October 22, 2007
NASA Administrator Michael Griffin admitted what tabloids have long reported: the moon landings were all faked using cheese and corn meal. But a subsequent NASA media release casts some doubt on the admission.
“It hurts to have to fess up and say this,” said Griffin, spraying half a can of Cheeze Whiz in his mouth and washing it down with a can of Bud Lite. “But it’s all true. NASA made it all up and Hollywood helped us produce the film footage. We used ground corn for the moons surface and clumps of cheese for texture. We didn’t want to disappoint Kennedy.”
History records that the United States NASA program put Commander Neil Armstrong on the moon July 16, 1969. It was the third voyage to the moon for the Americans and the Apollo 11 mission placed both Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin on surface of the orb. The mission fulfilled President John F. Kennedy’s goal of reaching the moon by the end of the 1960s. But some scientists and critics have argued that it never really happened.
“It was all done with sock puppets in a sand box,” said Zippy Sackbart a self proclaimed scientist and fry chef. “I know this guy who is friends with relatives of some people who knew guys involved in the NASA program in the 1960’s. They told some people that it wasn’t like what they thought it would be, so you know right there that it never really happened.”
The NASA administrator said he decided to go ahead and fess up now so that people will stop pressuring NASA to do it again. “There’s no point trying to get to the moon,” said Griffin, opening a box of Ritz crackers and another can of Cheeze Whiz. “We don’t know what we’re doing most of the time and are drunk the rest of the time. We really tried though.”
NASA later released a statement saying that Griffin has been vacationing in Arizona and that the man making the statements and claiming to be Griffin was really Holcomb Noble, a caramel corn lover and retired editor of the New York Times. “The New York Times has a long history of making things up,” the NASA Release stated. “And when the editors are hopped up on sugar and caramel corn they really get some wild ideas. The history books are still right. The U.S. really did land men on the moon. If fact we did it several times and even left a couple used dune buggies up there.”
The New York Times didn’t issue a statement but an unidentified source said that they don’t like to discuss the work of former editors and are having enough trouble trying to get the current ones to use stories containing actual facts.
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