Europe Beats Bill Gates; Cops Arrest Kid Rock

Shouting matches and open source troubles

Inebriated Press
October 23, 2007

Proclaiming victory, the European Commission (EC) on Monday said Microsoft has agreed to make interoperability information available to open source developers for a one-time payment of 10,000 Euros (about $14,000 U.S.).  And Kid Rock was arrested in a Georgia waffle house brawl and shouting match.  Microsoft chief Bill Gates ended his fist fight with the EC and Kid Rock fled in his bus after his fight, but cops tracked him down and took him into custody.  Gates recommends that Rock give in to cops like he did to the Europeans, but no one knows what will happen for sure.

“When a tough S.O.B. like Gates caves to some candy ass Europeans you know that something just isn’t right,” said Kid Rock licking his own ass and declaring it peppermint.  “That’s what the fight was about outside the waffle house.  Damned Apple zealots had been drinking pancake syrup all night and told me my Microsoft stock was worthless.  I decided it was time to kick some ass.”

Microsoft agreed that it would obey key parts of its 2004 antitrust ruling, which was upheld by a European Union appeals court last month. It would refrain from appealing that decision to the EU’s highest court, cut royalties for rivals and hand information over to open-source developers.

Kid Rock spent most of Sunday in jail after he scuffled with a man outside the suburban Atlanta waffle house, cops said.  The rocker and five members of his entourage were charged with simple battery after the predawn fight with a man police identified as Harlen Akins. The fracas erupted at the Waffle House restaurant about 5:15 a.m. after a gig at The Tabernacle in Atlanta.

Gates said he appreciated the Kid’s support but was tired of fighting with the Europeans.  “If I could just beat the shit out of someone in Europe outside a waffle house and that would solve my problems, I’d probably do it too,” said the billionaire buying and selling several third world countries just to keep his cash from getting musty.  “Metaphorically speaking I actually have thrashed the life out of a few companies back in the day.  I’ll probably do it again … maybe in Europe.  The sons of bitches.”

In other news, Republican presidential wannabees took turns whacking each other in a debate over the weekend and despite severe thrashings received and delivered, none took place outside of a waffle house.  Europeans have yet to sue them although France is considering it.

© 2007

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