Faked death for life in U.S. South
Inebriated Press / Tabloid Division
October 23, 2007
Taking orders for fried chicken at Louie’s Flophouse and Diner, Princess Diana chewed a nail and tucked a pencil behind her ear before shouting out “blue plate special number 5” to the fry chef in back. Once known as the debonair Princess of Wales before being killed in a chase by paparazzi in France, the 46 year old looked healthy and energetic. Some people say it’s not really the Princess but others are confident it is really her.
“There is no doubt in my mind that Princess Diana is waiting tables at Louie’s,” said Billy Bob Tom a local insurance agent, hunter and rumored father of twelve. “You don’t handle folks at Louie’s the way she does unless you got some kind of pedigree tied to nobility, or else you’re an alien or something.”
Wolf Scully, director of the U.S. Fish & Wildlife’s secret Z-Files division thinks the waitress at Louie’s is an alien. “No way Princess Di comes to Louisiana to serve fried chicken,” said Scully, waxing his left armpit and then knocking back a liter of Valvoline in one gulp. “I’ve seen weird shit before, but Diana Princess of Wales serving me chicken isn’t one of them.”
Diana Frances Spencer was born into the British aristocracy and became an instant celebrity upon her marriage to Prince Charles. After years of speculation regarding the couple’s marital problems, Prince Charles and Diana were divorced. Her death in a car accident in 1997 was immediately followed by an intense period of mourning and many speculated that she was murdered but others believe she faked her own death and moved to Louisiana. Most people believe she is dead but speculation continues.
Inebriated investigative reporter Nance Allot went to Louisiana to question the waitress at Louie’s but was rebuffed despite bringing flowers and wearing Speedo’s. “I’d like to say it was the Princess,” said Allot salving a rash on his right thigh. “But she called me things I don’t think a lady would, so I’m thinking maybe Di isn’t waitressing tables after all.”
In other news, Barack Obama says he’ll wait tables if it’ll get him elected princess.
© 2007 InebriatedPress.com