Illegal Aliens Lobby for Drivers Licenses and Tax Incentives

U.S. Government Considers Creation of Special Voting Block

Inebriated Press
October 25, 2007

While differing over whether a black man or blonde woman is best suited to be President of the United States, both presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, agree that it’s time the U.S. begin respecting the rights of illegal aliens that have shown the initiative to successfully break into the U.S.  Citing reports that show people with initiative are better able to succeed in society, the Senators jointly proposed new legislation that would create representation in Congress designed to protect and enhance opportunity for illegal immigrants.

“It’s time that Congress and the American people get behind illegal immigrants and show their support as well as give them official representation in Congress,” said Senator Clinton slapping a small businessman standing nearby.  “These hard working illegals have found their way into the country so they should have power in Congress and pass legislation favoring their way of life.  Just because they are not conventional Americans doesn’t mean that we should discriminate against them.”

Some groups feel that people who break U.S. law shouldn’t get special treatment and others think that lawbreakers should even be punished.  The New York Times published an expose recently that pointed out that a number of police and sheriff departments across the U.S. have been arresting “lawbreakers” who are both American citizens and illegal aliens, and have plans to prosecute them.

“It’s shocking that Nazi-like U.S. officials can simply arrest lawbreakers whenever they want to,” said New York Times publisher Arthur Ochs Sulzberger, Jr. “The next thing you know we’ll start deporting people or begin ascribing to a rule of law.  That’s no way to expand a chaos based society.”

Some Americans seem to support the rule of law and the outmoded philosophy that civil society requires a law abiding citizenry.  But socialist trends within the Democrat party make such thinking seem silly and meaningless.

“It’s time to get on with rebuilding America on the firm grounds of San Francisco and Berkeley values,” said Senator Nancy Pelosi passing out condoms and heroin to bystanders.  “We need to provide assistance to illegal aliens, safe and comfortable places for addicts to shoot up — along with nice clean needles — and free healthcare and government assistance for all impoverished Americans making less than $100,000 per year.  Most Republicans are real bastards and don’t support this stuff.  We all know that big and small business can finance it with increased taxes.”

In other news, Barack Obama says he’s fine with handing out drugs and condoms in schools and giving illegal aliens “rights cards” at the border, but says he’s drawing the line on allowing blonde women to hold the U.S. presidency.  “We’ve got to stop something once in a while just to show we have discipline and restraint,” said Obama eating a chocolate dipped ice cream cone in one gulp.  “No blonde woman for president.  Not on my watch.”

© 2007

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