Daily Archives: October 31, 2007

Oops Britney does it again

Kinky semi-nude photo’s with “priest” ticks off Catholics

Inebriated Press
October 31, 2007

Kinky photos of a half-naked Britney Spears perched on a priest’s lap and leaning seductively against a church confessional have sparked outrage among Catholic leaders. The photos adorn Britney’s Jive Records album “Blackout”. Bill Donohue, president of the Catholic League, said of Britney: “She’s crashing. She’s not even allowed to bring up her own kids because she’s not responsible enough. Now we see she can’t even entertain.” But not everyone is upset.

Writing in the Dallas Morning News Nekesha Moodey a CD reviewer for the Associated Press said “Blackout” is the best album Spears has ever produced. “The bitch is my kind of girl and the album features great songs and twisted anti-traditional, anti-family, anti-Catholic pictures that support her lifestyle and approach to American culture,” wrote Moodey, peeing in public because she felt like it. “She knocks out sexy techno groove and encourages young girl listeners to ‘Take it off, take it off, take it off’ and that’s good for the young men of America. It also fits Maine’s recent plan to supply birth control to 11 year olds. America is hip with this. It’s some great shit. She’s the second coming of Madonna.”

While Britney Spears’ personal life has gone to pieces over the past several months, she seems to be holding on to her musical career. Her last studio album, “In the Zone,” was released in 2003 and spawned the number one hits “Me Against the Music,” featuring Madonna, “Toxic” and “Everytime.” The following year she married back-up dancer Kevin Federline and took break to get knocked up twice, and gave birth to sons Sean Preston and Jayden James. Britney and Federline were officially divorced on July 30, 2007. A custody feud has ensued between the former spouses and has made good tabloid fodder the past several months finding Spears drunk and semi-nude in public when she wasn’t crashing her car.

Senator and presidential candidate Hillary Clinton defended Spears behavior calling her “an independent voice” and “a classy non-panty wearing young woman who knows how to party and be bad”. In an attempt to separate his own political views from Clinton, Barack Obama disagreed with Clinton saying that Spears didn’t really know how to be as bad in her album pictures and she is in her real life and that she should integrate more of her personal day-to-day activity into her album images. Reportedly Britney is considering including panty-less pictures taken by paparazzi in future albums.

In related news, Islamofascists are posting pictures from Britney’s album on anti-American jihad websites to show their backers what they’re fighting against, and are encouraging members of the Catholic League to join with them. Reportedly the effort has had mixed results but clicks on the photo’s have set new web-count traffic records.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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Cats are Aliens that Read Minds

Thoughts get reported to underground badger civilization

Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
October 31, 2007

Scientists have discovered that cats are an alien species that are reading our minds and telepathically transferring their findings to a civilization of badgers living deep underground. This shocking revelation has overturned years of Egyptian belief that cats are gods and set Islamofascists on their collective ears. But not everyone is willing to accept the scientific pronouncement.

“My cat doesn’t know shit and other than wrecking my drapes and pissing in my shoes she hasn’t done a thing but lay around the house,” said cynic and hairdresser Donald Trump. “If that cat could read my mind it would have moved out by now.”

But the scientists made it clear that the cats are onto us. “Look into their eyes and you’ll know it,” said Indy Glanwood, a mental giant with degrees coming out of his ass. “They’ve been absorbing our knowledge and passing it on to the badgers. Those badgers are going to come for us one day and take over our culture and civilization. The damn badgers are coming man. I know it. I can feel it. Can you feel it? It’s just over there a little to the left.”

According to the scientists the badgers are already spreading infectious disease to cows in Great Britain and are eyeing the Brit’s to see how they react. And by using parasites that can only survive in desert regions they’ve caused people in the Middle East to kill each other indiscriminately for generations.

“The people in the Middle East all think they hate each other because of their different cultures and faiths,” said Ahshit Kilem a cleric and author of the popular book “Kids Guide to Bomb Making”. “The reality is it’s these damned bitey things that are driving us crazy. Dogonit, I feel like shooting somebody right now!”

In related news, J Lo says she likes her cat and often thinks silly thoughts to confuse the badgers. So far it’s working because the badgers haven’t attacked.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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