U.S. Senator sets new bullshit quotient

Self contradictory statements ramp beyond repair

Inebriated Press
November 1, 2007

Last week U.S. Senate majority leader Harry Reid said that the arson related fires burning in southern California are the direct result of global warming. During the same interview, when asked a clarifying question by a reporter in reference to the global warming statement, he denied he ever said it. Psychiatrists and kindergarten teachers have evaluated this behavior and determined that American political bullshit has advanced to a new level never experienced in history. This new “bullshit quotient” has some experts worried.

“It’s not unusual that politicians contradict themselves and often try to spin their own words into different meanings at different times,” said B.B. King, an American blues guitarist and secret psychiatrist to the stars. “But when they start contradicting themselves in the same sentence or say that San Francisco values reflect America’s, it starts getting a bit worrisome.”

Historians note that while politicians have been lying to the American public ever since cavemen invented political parties, only recently have they been lying to themselves and contradicting themselves publicly. But not all politicians see it this way.

“I have never contradicted myself at any time or in any way,” said Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi pushing a friend down a flight of stairs. “It’s against my nature to do anything that makes things appear different than they really are. Now you’ll have to excuse me, I have a Botox appointment.”

Some historians see the trends as positive. “When our elected leaders, like Senator Reid, start telling so many lies that they can’t keep track of them even during the same interview, there’s a great leveling effect in American society,” said Cotton Ginn, a historian and plantation owner from the Old South whose motto is: vote early, vote often. “This enables Americans of all kinds – from the brightest to the most stupid – to participate at leadership levels in the U.S. Congress. Heck that’s how Hillary’s going to become president. Other than being Bill’s wife and having a few small scandals of her own she hasn’t run a business, or been governor of a State. She doesn’t know shit, but she’ll be running the most powerful country in the world in a year or so. Now that’s what I call damned serious progress.”

In other news, some American’s find nothing wrong with Reid’s statements and perhaps not coincidentally the average U.S. IQ has fallen 5 points in the last two weeks.

© 2007 InebriatedPress.com

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