Illegal immigrant bust ends in aviator discovery
Inebriated Press \ Tabloid Division
November 2, 2007
In a shocking discovery the FBI has found missing aviator Amelia Earhart on a North Carolina chicken farm where she used illegal Mexican immigrants to feed and care for 5,000 birds. The 110 year old pilot was indicted on five counts of knowingly hiring illegal workers and for keeping her presence secret while rescuers searched for her in the Pacific Ocean. Earhart said she’d tired of the media hype that surrounded her 1937 flight and decided to ditch her plane in the ocean and hitchhike back to the mainland. Once there she went into the chicken business using the name Murphy Brown. But not everyone is convinced the chicken farmer is the missing aviator.
“You’re asking me to believe that a 110 year old chicken farmer is a famous lost pilot?” asked Chauncey Gardener an expert in aviation and horticulture. “I don’t buy it. Chicken farmers can’t fly. It goes against their grain.”
But others are convinced that the FBI has it figured out. “That’s Amelia alright,” said 300 year old Sissy Spacek a duck wrangler and Loretta Lynn look-alike. “I remember her when she was just a kid and didn’t even have wings. That chicken farmer is scrawny and mouthy the same way Amelia was and when I heard she kicked one of the agents in the groin just to see the color green, I knew it was her for sure.”
Amelia Earhart is a noted American aviation pioneer, author and women’s rights advocate. Earhart was the first woman to receive the Distinguished Flying Cross, which she was awarded as the first woman to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean. Earhart disappeared over the central Pacific Ocean near Howland Island during an attempt to make a circumnavigational flight of the globe in 1937. Most historians think her plane crashed and she was killed. Others believe she faked her death and spied on the Japanese for then President Franklin Delano Roosevelt. Still others say she actually was Franklin Delano Roosevelt (FDR) and that is why he stayed in a wheel chair much of the time. They say that had FDR stood up people would have spotted her skirt. Historians are still debating this and hope the chicken farmer will finally clear things up.
In other news, Hillary Clinton says Amelia Earhart backs her for president and Barack Obama says Clinton is full of chicken shit; but admits they both like illegal Mexican immigrants and think they’re spiffy.
© 2007 InebriatedPress.com